Friday, April 30, 2004

Best Advice

I am not very good at taking advice since I am a notorious know it all.  I am not one to give advice either.  Except to Joe and Bridget, and they call it nagging.  Go figure.

What I will tell you all about is the best advice I did receive from my Mom some years ago.

So that you guys do not think I am a monster, I'm going to give you some background.  I went to private Catholic schools until college.  So I did not know F. very well.  We are both from the same county in central Kentucky and when we found out we were going to school at Murray State University together we decided to be room mates.

I was so proud to have F. as a friend.  She was ultra popular at home and at MSU.  She was immediately elected a class representative, became a member of the most popular sorority, had a hunky boyfriend in a cool fraternity.  On top of that, she was gorgeous, very smart, and kind.   I love F. Having her as my room mate and eventually my best friend made me feel great about myself.

Times change.  Things change.  F. married the wrong guy.  He took her out of Kentucky and moved her to Detriot.  He resumed his education and ultimately became a psychiatrist.  They had two children, a beautiful home in Southfield, and a perfect life from the outside looking in.

What was really happening was that he was driving F. crazy, I mean really driving her to drink.  And that she did.  After the marriage crumbled, it was found out he had a girlfriend, whom he married days after the ink was dry on their divorce.

Then he became determined to have the house.  It was hers as long as she had custody of the children.  They waged a custody battle for several years.  She drank more and more, and began to slip into what I can only determine to be a psychosis.He won.  The children went to him, then he went after the house.  And in time, he got that.  He put her on the street.  

She showed up at "home" with a U-haul full of her furniture.  Her brother drove her to my apartment. And left her.Her family was at their wits end with her drinking and bouts of insanity.  She could not hold a job, she drank morning and night.

My Mom gave me the best advice I have ever received.  She told me to tell F. that she had six months to stay with me and get herself on herfeet.

When one is over the edge as F. was, well only a professional could help her.  She refused to go to AA, "Only a bunch of alcoholics go to that!  I am not an alcoholic.  I drink to self medicate myself, there is a difference."

Bridget use to find the vodka bottles in her bedroom and pour them down the drain.Bridget was 11 at this time. I began to count the days until the six months were over.  I would drive home from work and see her car in the driveway and my stomach would turn.

I love F. as if she were my sister.  She is the only person I would have or could had ever shared life with in a small tiny college dorm room. My friend no longer exists.

When it was six months, she left.  Every so often she shows up on my door step.  She no longer requires a U-haul. A suitcase will do.

News Flash

JON'S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Thursday, April 29, 2004

Too Good to Hoard

I have decided to not keep these post cards in a dusty old box!  If you would like a slightly naughty, highly saucy post card from me....e-mail your address to me.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

To Slither or Not to Slither? That is the Question.

The annual event of the Derby Eve Schnitzelburg Slither is this Friday night.  My brother in law and his best friend host this annual event.  What it all means is this.  50 to 70 of their closest friends gather in the area of Louisville know as Germantown.  At the appointed hour and place, they eat pizza and drink a few cold ones to loosen up.  The money changes hand, the tickets and passes are issued and the whole brigade takes off walking the tiny streets of this blue collar area following a guide as we march from one neighborhood bar to the next.

This takes all night.  Or at least until the last bar is reached usually around 2 to 3 am.  Actually, this is a blast.  Drinking rot gut beer (can you say Falls City?  Can you say Pabst Blue Ribbon?), staggering down streets to the tune of barking dogs and people muttering, "What the Hell?" to find the next small bar.  And they are small.  And our group will overwhelm a bar in no time.  My favorite are the karaoke bars.  Not that I sing, but I sing along.  We have been known to climb on table tops and dance to Princes' "P***y control".  We are rolled down the sidewalks in shopping carts.  We cry, we laugh and then we all come back to do it again the next year.

My problem...My dilemma?  I laid on the couch the whole next day feeling like I had been run over by a Mack Truck.  I consumed an entire pot roast and the fixings trying to make myself feel better.  It took three days. I began to feel like myself on Tuesday. Then my gall bladder began to ache, and has not been itself ever since.

I want to go.  I don't want to miss out.  I want to sing along with "You never call me darling, Darling, you never even call me by my name" at the top of my lungs.

But maybe, just maybe.....I've outgrown that type of fun.    Nah!

P.S. The above picture is from last years "crawl".  My sister Omega is on the extreme right with her husband, K.


Sunday, April 25, 2004

Postcards from the Edge

I traveled the 50 some odd miles to Louisville yesterday and spent the afternoon with Bridget.  We went to the Cherokee Triangle Arts and Craft Show.  We ate lunch at a little cafe on Bardstown Rd.  We went to a book store on the corner where I found this pack of post cards.  I love post cards.  I mean, I  LOVE postcards!!! I collect them.

This one is from a set of 30 by Anne Taintor.  Vintage art work with a saucy twist.  Bridget and I were going through them at the restaurant, passing them back and forth and laughing way too loudly. 

It was so calming to spend time alone with her.

Friday, April 23, 2004

Thank you John! Assignment #2

1) The movie? Would have to be (changes all the time) right now Multiplicity with Michael Keaton, and Michael Keaton and Michael Keaton and finally Michael Keaton.  We watched this movie last week for the first time in ages and laughed hysterically all the way through it.  New line around the house, "I love pizza.  I  LOVE pizza!!!!!!!!!"

2)  My second favorite book would have to be The Wizard of Oz.  I remember my mother reading it out loud to us as kids.  We would pile on the bed together and read a chapter a night.  Me and my three bothers. (my sisters were born later, kind of like a two generation family).  

 3) Second Favorite album would be EAT A PEACH by the Allman Brothers, 1972.  Duane Allman'a last.  I will say no more.  

 4) Father Schumacher.  Taught us Latin in high school.  I took it for three years.  An absolute hunk! Drove a black camero and smoked.  Once took a misbehaving student outside the class room into the parking lot (the class could see through the glass window) and slapped him. That was that for the entire sophomore year.  

 5) Peppermint.  Like it with a little crunch in it!  

6) The only sport I pay any attention to (other than baseball and that is only because you can drink beer at the park and horse racing but that does not count as a team) is basketball.  I love UK.  I mean, I LOVE UK.  But, the only time I hold my fingers and hope the other team wins, is when they play the University of Louisville.  

7Is beer a food?   

8)  Okay, it's Don Johnson aka Sonny Crockett.  He was so hot!!  

9)  I'm not sure.  I only really like the Bugs.  

10)  Would you believe laying out in the sun!  You'd think I would have learned by now.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

My World

Of course, now that I comment that I am uninspired the past several days, I have a resurgence of thoughts. Finally , something to ramble on about in Alphawoman world.

After writing my 25 things and reading the comments I realized so many people have a perception about me that probably is .....for lack of a better word, "cultivated" by my choice of journal entries. 

I am going to step back and think of myself as my co-workers, Joe, and family view me.

Yesterday I call David, a co-worker. (we are out of the office "selling" all day long)  "David, do you know what I really, really, really, reeeeaaaaalllllyyyyyy want?"

"I haven't a clue, but I bet it's going to be good."

"I want one of those bourbon oak barrels.  Could you ask your "Girlfriend" (I always refer to any women that the guys run across in the "market" as their girlfriends) at Woodford Reserve for one."

"Honey", (everyone in the South, male or female, calls everyone else "Honey") they use those things for making furniture!  They're scarce. Why don't you go to PDQ on New Circle. They sell them there."

"Because I want one for free!"

"What do you want one for anyway?"

"I want to put it under the gutter run off and save the rain water for my garden!"

"Honey, the barrel will be soaked in bourbon!"

"Well, so much better for the tomatoes!"

"It must be so much fun being Mary."


"I swear I think you are blond and dye your hair dark."

It was raining something fierce the beginning of last week.  My hair was ruined and I resembled a wet rat.  When it continued to rain the next dday, I yanked all my hair up in a ponytail and made a tight little bun on top of my head. (Bridget does this all the time and looks so cute).  As I check it out in the mirror, I notice my bangs are horrendously uneven.  So I grab the sissor and trim them, then singe them into a nice little roll with the curling iron.

I make my entrance to our weekly staff meeting 1/2 hour later.  My boss takes one look at me and says, "Glad you could make it, Gidget."

Everyone laughs as I get seated.  I turn to him and coo, "I wouldn't miss it for the world, MoonDoggie."  I receive high fives from everyone.

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

I am Curious (Yellow)

This has been one of those weeks where I just cannot find any inspiration.  I did write an entry called "An Open Letter To The AOL Editor's."  I canceled it after reading so many eloquent statements regarding the injustice surrounding one of our best journalists, Mara.  There was nothing I could add.  Except this.....there was only one person left in the world who had not heard the "f" letter, J's Aunt, the nun.  Well, she does not need to be shielded any longer! And that is thanks to Chris Rock and not Mara.

There are so many absolutely great journals out there that will never be featured on the Walt Disney Editors Top Five List.  I say Give me Home Box Office!  

And that's all I have to say about that.  

See my tulips?  I have a new digital camera.  My other one was a premium that I was awarded at work and it was very limited.  This one is great.  I have to practice for the Ireland trip.  

Sunday, April 18, 2004

John Scalzi's Assignment

In answer to John Scalzi's challenge the following are 25 facts about Alpahwoman.

  1)    I was born in the same hospital as Mel Gibson in Peekskill, NY.

  2)    I was a champion swimmer in my youth.  I was a finalist in the state High            School backstroking event.  

 3)    I have never been married. I think I may be one of those "quirkyalones."  

 4)    I considered giving up Bridget for adoption before she was born.  

 5)   I was taking calculus in college when I realized I had a real gift for math.             I never missed a question. I scored every point on the bonus questions..  

 6)    I had a crush on my calculus teacher.  

7)    I flunked out of Murray State University in 1972.  

 8)    A week before finals at MSU, I took off for Arizona for two weeks.  No one           knew where I was.      

9)    I have smoked on and off since I was 12.  (presently, have not had one since          June 2003).  

10)  I am a day dreamer, time waster.  

11)  I sold cars at one time in my life!   

12)  I've been fired only once from a job. 

13)   I talk too much. 

14)   My front tooth was broken in half when I was 12. My brother threw a fast ball          at my face because I was beating him in a one on one baseball game in the                 backyard.

15)   I have only two close girlfriends.  Both live in Florida. 

16)   I am a huge procrastinator.  

17)   I am very generous.  

18)   I went to Catholic schools for 12 years.  

19)   I was black balled out of a sorority  

20)   Then I was asked to join a  fraternity as a Little Sister.  It was much more fun.  

21)   I am neurotic. 

22)   I lost the first love of my life. 26 years ago.  I have never gotten over it.  

23)   I have extraordinarily great physical reflexes.  I catch something falling before             I even realize its falling.  

24)   I barely shave my legs in the winter. 

25)   I drink too much and say it's my Irish heritage.     

Friday, April 16, 2004

Did you ever see an uglier dog?

The picture above, albeit strange, relates to this entry...just hang on.  I first want to explain why I love this old postcard (I collect postcards!!) The dog reminds me of "Pogo" who is the yappy toy terrier that was my Nana's companion. She brought the dog with her when she moved to Kentucky from NYC in 1964.  She dressed Pogo in little knit sweaters too.  But check out those SHOES!

I have been going through my closet bringing the summer/spring clothing from the back of the closet to the front. While doing this I became nostalgic about some of the clothing I have owned in the past.  I had relationships with several of them.

I had this velvet dark red jacket that I wore with everything in my hippie days.  I have numerous pictures of myself wearing it.  I loved it.  My Mom took it upon herself to replace the worn out, ripped up lining and it never hung right again.  I tearfully moved it to the back of the closet...and I think it may still be at my Mom's house.

I had this super green knit skin tight long sleeved jersey shirt that featured red, blue, gold and silver shiny glass studs that formed a star burst.  Also in my hippie days...I loved that shirt.

My First Communion Dress was hand made with little pink and blue flowers embroidered on the collar.  First I wore it to the crowning of the Blessed Virgin at the May Celebration.  I was the lucky first grader selected to carry the crown!  Then Mom cut the length and it served as the First Communion dress.

I had a pair of platform sandals...also in my hippie days Do you all see the pattern here? They were that expensive Aigner red leather.  I loved those too, I was about 5-11 in them.

The cloth sandals I wore all summer, while I was a hippie, were bought at a place called "Roses" in Murray Kentucky.  I have never been able to find them anywhere else ever again.  I purchased them by the gross, in black, in navy blue and in a cute flower pattern.  They looked remarkably similar to the sandals on the feet above.  Only I had 19 year old feet.  I loved those sandals.

I may not have the clothes or the hats or the sandals, but when I remember those items that I loved and became such a part of me also come the memories of those magical times in that Never Never Land.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Time Warp. (Where did she go? I want her back!)

My memory receives an electrical charge at the oddest times.  Today I heard a commercial on the radio about a huge dinosaur exhibit at The Singletary Center for the Arts on UK campus.  The last of it actually caught my attention, a slide show by the renown dinosaur artist from Kentucky (!!!!!) while the Lexington orchestra accompanies.  I immediately wanted to go and mentally crossed my fingers and held my breath waiting for the date!  BINGO!  This Sunday.  Have no plans.

Then I deflated.  Who would want to go with me to an event that most certainly was geared towards children?  Not Joe and his nine year old daughter, B.  That is just not their thing.

I become melancholy for the daughter I use to have.  That little bright eyed eight year old Bridget who had the nerve to grow up and leave me!!!!

Bridget my sidekick for all those years.  I could fill up 1,000 areas of FTP space just telling about what a great kid she was and how accommodating to her slightly eccentric Momma.

She went everywhere with me.  I tried not to expose her to things that were a little too mature or adult oriented for her little mind.  But every so often I would slip up, but I don't think she is the any worse off for it.  For instance, I hauled her to a Rolling Stone concert in Louisville....we sat among a group of Hells Angels type.  They fell in love with "the Kid" and made sure she had a good view.

And when I took her to see Amadaus...when would that have been, 1984?.....the movie may have been above her head, but she cried when "Wolfie" died and has loved classical music ever since.

If I were to come rushing home and excitedly shout out, "Guess what?!!!!!! Dinosaurs with Wolfie music!!!! They are going to be at the UK campus!"  She would have jumped up and down with mirth and anticipation along with me.

Oh I want to go!!!!! Maybe Bridget will come down from Louisville and go with me. 

Damn I miss that child being a kid with me!

Monday, April 12, 2004

Angel on the Hill

I sometimes amaze myself.  Saturday morning I got up and headed to Louisville with Joe.  We both were going to run in the Papa John 10 Miler, the last leg of the Louisville Triple Crown of Running. 

I have not practiced at all.  The last time I ran was the 10K race of two weeks prior.  That one was hard to finish, but with blind determination I did it.  10 miles is quite different from 10K.  Added to that, the middle five miles are up and down the very steep and sharply graded hills of Iroquois Park.  I was having a major pity party going on inside my head.  I had to prove to Joe I could do it, since he has been chastising me for weeks now about my finding every excuse possible for not running!

The gun goes off and 5000 crazy people take off running for the Iroquois Park hill of torture.  I did pretty good the first three or so miles.  Then I slowed down to a run/walk mode going up the "mountain." 

At mile FIVE I noticed a police officer talking to a child.  Being the natural mother (and incredibly nosy person) I am I jogged over to the kid and asked if he was okay.

He had left his runners number and chip in the hotel room and the police officer was questioning him about it. 

His name was Jonathan, he was 12 years old and is an absolute charmer.  He talked non stop to me the last five miles.  I heard the entire plot of his favorite two scary movies, the ins and outs of his favorite video games.  I heard all about his first date at the movies with his girlfriend.  I heard about his troubles with studying and having his Play Station taken away.  He told me all about his younger sister and how he baby-sits her.  I heard about his latest crash and burn while skating.  The last miles went by so easily with him chatting away.  An angel sent to help me through the pain.

Maybe I helped Jonathan finish the race too.  He had not trained either. He was a tough little bird.  We entered the Papa John's stadium together.  His Mom was waiting for him in the stands.  I was so proud of him, I can only imagine how she felt. 

He was something else.  I'll remember him for a long time.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

A Horse is a Horse, of course of course, and No One Can Talk to a Horse, Of course

I wish I had a great story to tell you all about the horse, Dash of Class.  Actually its kind of a story.  I went out to Keeneland, which is the very prestigious race track in Lexington that only has a meet for 21 days in the spring, and then 21 days in the fall.  The the "tour" moves on to Churchill Downs for months.  I went over there Thursday morning (during the morning work outs) to take pictures with my Canon 35 mm to make certain it is working properly before going to Ireland.  I see this beautiful horse, black and sleek and fast. As I was leaving the track the horse was being led back to the stable.  We chatted, the trainer the jockey and I not the horse, though in retrospect I should have asked the horse.  The trainer told me this was the horse that was going to win his maiden race tomorrow.

So, I get excited.  I think I have an exclusive tip. 

Friday was a beautiful day, and also Good Friday.  Everyone wanted to go to Keeneland that day!  I only wanted to get there for the Third Race.  And I did. 

I told Joe that I wanted to bet $50 on Dash of Class, but if I did the horse would lose.  If I bet $20, the horse would win.  Either way, I would be kicking myself.

Thank God I went with the $20.  The dang horse finished next to last.  I'm going to keep an eye on that horse though. He is a Two year old, this was his first race.  He is beautiful and I fell in love with him.

He went off at 23 to 1 odds. If he had won, wouldn't that have made a much better story.

Friday, April 9, 2004

I'm fixed

blog blog blog.  Can not delete this entry.  Anyway, I'm able to save my entries again.  Yay Rah!!!

Wednesday, April 7, 2004

Put the Pitchfork Down and Back Away, NOW!!

I must be a menace.  See my handy work above.  The pail did nothing to deserve that demise! That is how it went all weekend. The full moon must have been at work doing a job on me.  

All I wanted to do was to clean up the front yard.  To get rid of all the leaves that had accumulated over the winter months and to cut down the errant vines that had crept up the side of the house.  I wanted to pull all the weeds and dandelions that had taken root.  I was doing such a great job and the yard was looking so fine that I became carried away.  I decided to take on too much and stay at it too long.  

First, I found a box of daffodils I had not planted in the fall.  They were beginning to sprout and I felt if I put them in the ground, they may have half a chance.  I got out my trusty pitch fork, which had not seen the light of day since last spring, and happily began to till up the side flower beds.  When I finished the second bed, I tossed the pitch fork behind me without looking.  And when I turned I saw it had landed pretty darn close to the unfurled hose...I let out a sigh of relief that it was straddled over the uncoiled green rubber and quickly removed it. To my horror I saw I  had speared the hose.  Damn!  As I yanked out the pitch fork the inevitable spurt of water gushed out.

I ran into the house to doctor it up before Joe got home.  Duct tape, God's answer to all quick fixes. Unfortunately I had decided to operate right there in the drive way. Guess who pulls up right in the middle of the surgery?  Yup.  And I was feeling so smug. I had not yet thought how I was going to explain the silver bandage.  

After planting the daffodils I was still full of Spring cleaning energy and decided to tackle my car.  It had not had a bath in weeks.  Once I had finished the outside of the car all that was left was to vacuum the inside.  I had the shop vac on the front porch.  I tried to stretch it to the car, but it lacked about seven feet.  No problem!  I would move my car closer to the porch.  

I threw it in reverse and immediately ran over the pail.  "What the hell was that?".  When I got out to investigate, there was nothing I could do but hide it in my car and replace it.  Hopefully  before Joe begins to look for it.   

I got the car vacuumed and it looks beautiful!  I think I could seek work at a detail shop if I had to.  Somehow I managed to yank the hose out of the shop vac body and when I got it back in....well, I'm not sure if it is working properly anymore.  I hid the shop vac in the garage.  I'll just say it was working fine when I last used it.

 A full moon.  Yes, that is what it was.  A full moon working its mojo on me.    

Sunday, April 4, 2004

Clash of the Titans

While watching the games last night I must admit I had an evil satisfaction in seeing Duke go down at the hands of Connecticut.  I am for whoever is playing against Duke.  I despise them.  I loath them.   There have been many great games between UK and Duke. The most celebrated and remembered?  Regional Final, 1992. 

I was dating Steve and we decided to go the The World Famous Two Keys Tavern to watch the game.  A week prior to that, we had gone to the Metallica concert where Steve, a normally mild mannered God Fearing Christian, was corrupted from the influence of a heavy metal band. (your mother was right)!  If you need the full explanation of what is to follow, read my entry for Feb 9th. 

Two Keys was packed.  Another regional final was being played down the street at Rupp Arena.  Many of the fans of the teams that played the first game were also packed into Two Keys. We were wall to wall, shoulder to shoulder. Steve is not a drinker, but the beer was flowing that evening.  Pitcher after pitcher arrived and was consumed by our new best friends.  I need not describe the game, as it has earned itself accolades as the greatest college basketball game ever played.  That evening, in the tavern on the fringe of the UK campus, you felt it, you knew it.  The roar of the crowd was deafening.  Everyone on their feet cheering and screaming.  Beer mugs held high sloshing beer over the jubilant crowd.

 The next thing I knew, UK had pulled ahead and it looked as if they were going to win the game!  Steve climbed up on a table, and began to chant, "F*** you Duke, F***you Duke", shaking his beer mug at the tv. 

 Suddenly, everyone in the whole Two Keys Tavern began to chant with him , "F***YOU DUKE F***YOU DUKE F***YOUDUKE" 

Then THE shot.  Silence.  Dead silence as people realized what had happened.  Steve was helped down from the table.  People were stunned. Some  actually began to cry in disbelief and horror. 

I took Steve home.  I really had corrupted that man.    

Thursday, April 1, 2004

Mother Nature's April Fool

There was sunshine today!  The wind was blowing something fierce, but I did not allow that to deter me from my quest. I am ready for spring.  Mother Nature does not want to play along with me.  It was relatively cold today with a wind that cut right through you.

I went to one of my favorite places, Fayette Seed, and gave myself a nice reprieve from the weather. I bought a few plants to put into the ground Saturday, when it will be a balmy 50+ degrees.  Yea Rah!  Early tomatoes, onions, broccoli which is something new for me to grow.  I know I will have to nurse them during April but I am willing. 

 The rule of thumb is to plant after Derby Day, which is the first Saturday in May. The wisdom behind this is that the last frost should be over.

 I can't wait any longer.