Saturday, March 12, 2005

I FEEL FREE

( FACES THAT DID NOT WORK)

Life is pressing in on me as of late. I have, I feel I have so many obligations to so many people. My husband, my parents, my daughter who is beginning her life as an adult but still needs me.... my in-laws, rather my husbands children who need him, my work, my customers, my friends, my co-workers, and oh-my-God can I believe I put them on the end!!!! My family! I feel I am thrust into responsibility head first and hands bound together.

This morning I was walking down the inner city streets of Louisville...alone...heading towards Slugger Stadium for the first leg of the Triple Crown of Running, the Anthem 5K. I felt so overwhelmed. So many people depending on me to make them happy, make their lives easier. Every step I took I felt the heaviness of responsibilty slide from my sholders. I had a fantasy of cashing in all my chips and running away. For the briefest moment I remembered what it was like to not have a worry in the world....

Sometimes to run is to be free. Even if you are running at the back of the pack.

16 comments:

txsguinan said...

Oh, I love your last sentence!  It sounds like just what you needed.  :)

yakima127 said...

Oh, well, that answered my question in the last comment I left!  So you are in Louisville...not Ft. Wayne...responsibility overload is very difficult to shake...maybe running will do the trick!  There is a lot going on for you right now.  I understand the fleeting urge to run away.  Good luck...JAE

my78novata said...

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel tht same weight. I thougth our forties were our time!!!! Kids grown and now it was our turn!!!!!!!! no my grandmotehr and my parents nad my kdis still need me. YES I too have been wanting to run away. I just wish I could. I wish I wasa toys are us kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lori {lifes a blur to me also}

ryanagi said...

Sometimes that is just the thing to do. Take a walk and breath.

suzypwr said...

Enjoy the running. Not much you can do about the sandwich generation problem for now - just do the best you can and make time for yourself!
xoxo

redhdka said...

I love that you do that. I am so envious. I am 35 years old and would need a wheel chair to get through five miles. LOL God bless ya girl!

nellemclaughlin said...

I think most women can relate to your post. My mother always said "Small children, small problems..big children, big problems. I have a few stress free days with my son then he comes over with a new problem. You are fortunate in that you found the activity that makes you feel free and we all need to do that for ourselves. Mine is journaling online. I shut everything out when I sit here and write and read the thoughts and feelings of others. Nelle

sunnyside46 said...

run,girl!
I thought of Sly & the family Stone's old song
"don't you know that you are free?well, at least in your mind if you want to be"
knowing exactly where you are coming from,
marti

http://journals.aol.com/sunnyside46/MidlifeMusings

njlittlebear said...

Like in the movie Forrest Gump......Run Forrest Run.....I guess thats how you were feeling huh.  

NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife

theresarrt7 said...

I had a fantasy of cashing in all my chips and running away.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ah, a fantasy I have often had myself.   http://journals.aol.com/theresarrt7/TheresaWilliams-author/

sunflowerkat321 said...

I have the same experience when I walk...I could just turn a different direction and keep going indefinately.  It is a relief somehow...

lisaram1955 said...

The decisions you have to make for YOUR life are not intended to make everyone who loves you or "depends" upon you happy.  Let me just tell you that you are SO blessed to feel that your move will affect so many others.  When we moved away from the rest of my family, it was relatively quick and painless (for them...)  Nobody really cared all that much.  That is the pain I have been living with for the last four years.  I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  Lisa  :-]

mrccgoody said...

I always imagined that running would feel that way...if only I could run...more than two minutes...maybe someday...
I feel like that too, sometimes.  I hope things ease up soon.

lowis6535 said...

  CHIN UP: Youth is not a terminal problem ... I feel so much older & wiser now that I am older ... retired ...
  Not too long ago ... after we both recovered from the death of my husband ... my youngest daughter embarked on her postponed college venture.
  My secret, silent, somewhat evil thought as she walked out the door ... " Yeah ... now, I don't have to do NOTHING for NOBODY!"... probably for the first time in most of my life.

umashouse said...

Sometimes to run is to be free. Even if you are running at the back of the pack.

that makes me smile-  I so much enjoy reading your journal.    

deabvt said...

Wonderful writing!
V