Friday, April 8, 2005

I MUST HAVE BEEN IN THE BATHROOM SNEAKING A SMOKE

Reality bites. I have to face it. Either I did not watch enough Martha Stewart when I had the chance, or I was hiding out in the bathroom smoking cigarettes during Home Ec class in high school. For what ever reasons, I just have misplaced my home making gene. It's hopelessly lost according to my realtor. She does not say it to my face, but I hear it loud and clear in what she is not saying.

Phrases such as this, "We can offer them a redecorating allowance" are a dead give away.

I had to look at my home, my cozy little cottage with a different perspective. What has been a wonderful comfortable refuge from the stresses and demands of the outside world is getting a once over and a make over is in the works.

My arms are so tired I can barely type this and lift the beer to my lips. I have been scraping paint off the front porch floor all day long. My hand was cramped into a claw for a long time when I stopped for the day. I also had to help patch the hole in the ceiling (a story I told awhile ago, though I might have left out all the really good parts, but the Monkey Brothers were involved) which involved me holding up a large portion of Dry Wall above my head and try to make it fit into a area that was not cooperating! We did it many times. Half inch dry wall in a four by five section is HEAVY.

We fixed the overhang, the broken window, fixed the concrete steps, scrapped paint, fixed wall paper, contemplated how to lay the new tile bathroom floor, fixed the hole in the ceiling, chased out the squirrel....

Yes, the squirrel. I knew he was wintering in the back roof. I knew it was curtains for him last week when I caught him red handed in the driveway with pink insulation in his mouth. He ran up the telephone pole and stopped. He thought he could fake me out with his squirrel statue routine. He then runs up the tree into his summer home and taunts me, all  smug and snug with his pink insulation nest.

Poo-Poo swears he shook his squirrel fist at him once.

He needs to find some new suckers now.

When I finish the front porch tomorrow I will be so happy! Then the FOR SALE sign goes up.

17 comments:

coy1234787 said...


    Hoping it will not be long before your cozy little cottage becomes a comfortable refuge for somebody new! Hang in there, it will all be worth it in the end!
                               *** Coy ***

somenuttychic said...

Awwww. What happened to the squirrel? Then again, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Sounds like you've been busy. It's funny. There are things about our own homes that we pass every single day and never notice (or care about) that someone else would likely throw a fit over. Decorating allowance? Ha! What nonsense. Either they will appreciate the house for its structure and location or they won't. Outside of basic repairs (broken windows, etc.) everything else should be the new owners' responsibility.

lisaram1955 said...

I have been there...too many times to count.  And I do not envy you!

(Wouldn't the squirrel get a bit itchy with using fiberglas insulation for nesting material and all???)  Lisa  :-]

mom23nca said...

Oh I feel your pain!  Our house went on the market last Friday but I always feel like I'm being judge when people come into the house and look around.  We did so much to "fix it up" and are still doing.  

ksquester said...

You have accomplished alot! Those little pesky critters are cute until they come into your home. Well Poo-Poo was a BIG help, wasn't he?  He gets my "fickle finger of fate" award.lol      Anne

sonensmilinmon said...

LoL, I must've been hiding out with you during home ec!  And I've never watched Martha Stewart - I know without doubt that I'm challenged in that area of life.  ::sigh::  I'm challenged in many areas of life it seems.

Monica

http://journals.aol.com/photographybymon/Mamarazzi/
http://journals.aol.com/sonensmilinmon/SmilinMonsAdventures/

nellemclaughlin said...

I remember going through this before selling my old house. I was working full time then and coming home packing in the evenings. I remember crying as I tried to sort through twenty years of "stuff". I had to leave 50% of my stuff behind (or send it off to the dump). I do find that I don't miss any of that stuff though. So, it all worked out in the end. Good luck!

yakima127 said...

You crack me up!  It sounds like you are busy, busy, busy, and quite competent in your home refurbishing efforts...let's hope it sells right away, so you can close this door and move on to your new life!  I will be writing an e-mail to you soon regarding moving to Ft. Wayne.  For now I want you to know you are the ONLY reason I am even considering it...JAE

suzypwr said...

I don't have that decorating gene, either. My daughter does. I wish you luck. Doing that kind of work is rewarding, but only if you are in the mood for it, right? Are you asking yourself why you are doing these repairs for someone else, wishing you had done them a long time ago so you could have enjoyed them?
xoxo

hope5555 said...

I know. Trying to sell a home can be a humbling experience.  Usually you have to fix it up way nicer in order to sell it than you ever bothered with for yourself, which seems pretty ironic!  The last time we sold a house I remember repainting all the interior walls, having a new kitchen floor installed, and getting the carpets professionally cleaned, and it all looked so much better than it EVER did when we actually lived there, I thought, "gee, this place is pretty nice, why are we selling it again?"  Some realtors will help you "stage" your house...i.e. tell you what furniture should be put in storage, take all the personal family photos off the wall, etc.  Good luck with all that. Sounds exhausting.

belfastcowboy75 said...

I went into a bar called The Fours a few days ago, and realized I had unwittingly redecorated my house to resemble it. The Hell with that realtor---what does she know about taste? I expect the adventures of Poo-poo v. the squirrel willl rival Bill Murray v. the gopher in Caddyshack.

ryanagi said...

Oh man...this is a process I do NOT look forward do. There are too many things that need to be "fixed" about this place before we sell it. Ugh.

redhdka said...

this is why I love that show designed to sell on HGTV. For two thousand dollars she redoes your whole whole and makes it look gorgeous and up to date. And it sells for 20 grand more then it would have.

andreakingme said...

Mary, by the time I was done reading this one, I was all slumped over from sympathy exhaustion. Sheesh!

mrccgoody said...

I missed the homemaking gene, too, I guess, after reading this...I don't even notice anything is wrong with my house unless someone else points it out.  My gutters had little trees growing out of them when my grandpa finally pointed it out to me...

cyndygee said...


Screwball Squirrel has probably been in your house so long now that he'll go to the displace squirrel shelter and receive squirrel food stamps and get his own section 8 house!

Look on the bright side, you can probably claim him as a dependent.

http://journals.aol.com/cyndygee/TheRealWorldofcyndygee/entries/994/

judithheartsong said...

I missed a story about the monkey brothers?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?! !?!
??!?!?!?  ?!?!?!?!? !?!?!?!? ?!?!?!? ?!?!?!?!??!?? !?!?!?! ?!?!??! judi