Friday, August 25, 2006

LETTING GO

It has been long enough for the shock to have worn off. Not completely, but enough so I am not overcome with hopelessness and anger. I suppose letting go is a variation of realizing you have no power over someone. And actually, you really do not want that type of power after they reach the age of 18.

Then they are on their own. Even if this means you stand on the sidelines and are only allowed to cheerlead, pick up broken pieces, lend money, provide a safe house when needed, and a car, feeling as if you are going to have a heart attack or a seizure from frustration.

She did it right after I bought the wedding dress.

It could have been worse, she could have refused to enter the church. The scene could have been straight out of The Graduate...(hmmmmm maybe not).

Anyway, she decided he was not the one and some other guy she met interested her. I am still flabbergasted. So is S.

It has taken me quite awhile to accept it.

That one day in the dress shop is all I am going to get for the time being. That was a great day, and I will cherish that for a long time.

I have been so upset about everything that I have not seen her since that day in June! Fathers Day. We took her Dad out for dinner, there was a violent thunder storm and the computers got knocked out and I could not pay with a credit card so he paid the bill. More memories from that great day.

I will see her this Sunday. I do not want to meet the new boyfriend. I was very attached to S. (four years for God's sake) and he was part of the family. But there is no way around it, I think.

Life is a Bitch sometimes, isn't it?

18 comments:

dcmeyer420 said...

I know this story. And my saga is just starting. She's 20 and most of the time, clueless. I feel you, Mary.  

yakima127 said...

Oh, wow.  What a surprising turn of events...Jae

mutualaide said...

Reminisent (sp) of my own youth and what my poor parents suffered.  All was not lost because when I finally 'found' the right one, we married and we've been together since ... and my mom?  She loved him until the day she died -- I think sometimes more than me!  Hang in Mom.  You know -- this too shall pass.

ryanagi said...

Wow. I am in shock!  Virtual pat on the back {pat pat} and I guess maybe being on this side is better than being the boy's mother and picking up those pieces.

:-/

mavarin said...

It sounds as though she's just not ready to be an adult and make that lifelong commitment. If someone doesn't want to marry somebody, they probably shouldn't.  Hang in there!

suzypwr said...

Sorry to hear this, Mary, but it is better than a divorce. Do you get to keep the dress?

xoxo

indigosunmoon said...

This kind of thing happens sometimes.  It's always
sad when you are attached to the boyfriend/girlfriend.
I hope you and she can get past this thing, and move
on.  I can't imagine how hard this is for you sweetie.
Love,
Connie

nellemclaughlin said...

Mary, I am sorry for the disappointment you are suffering.....however I must say that if your daughter was having doubts I'm glad she didn't go through with it. I knew by the time I was on my honeymoon with the ex that I had made a serious mistake. My parents refused to let me come home and I spent years knowing that I was with the wrong person. Even though you liked S please be open to meeting the new guys in her life. My parents put my husband through hell before finally accepting him and now think he's the best. They never knew half of what my ex did because I was too embarassed to tell them. My sister knew she was making a mistake too but was too embarassed to call off her wedding. Two kids and twenty years later she wishes she had the courage...and if it's meant to be, it still will be.

am4039 said...

it's funny one your kids or someone close to you date someone for a long time. We do become attached. Then if it's over we have a hard time with it. I know it's hard and I hope osmeday you will meet her new boyfriend. Just remember it's not his fault. So try and give him a chance. I know it's hard though.

lisaram1955 said...

Quite some roller-coaster goings-on in your neck of the woods these days, Mary.  I think I might have been tempted to throttle her...but, as you say, all you can do is stand on the sidelines and cheerlead.  I'm sorry for S... :(  Lisa  :-]

delela1 said...

We never really know what those we love will do and how the decisions they make will affect us.  Control is an illusion; truth be told we control nothing in this world, especially other people.  I know so little about you and the people involved in this, but I have walked down a similiar path.

Someday I'll add the chapter in my book about the time my mom talked me out of breaking off an engagement.  Three months later I married the guy, six months later mom died, and things went from bad to worse (yes...from bad to worse).  The divorce was final before our third anniversary.

From the start the relationship with him didn't feel right and I knew it.  Mom was wrong, but she realized that too late, and so she took that knowledge with her to her grave.

Let go...you may be saving her heart from a painful burden.   More often than not things happen and between our cursing we struggle to understand why.  If we are patient, in time, we will find out.

slapinions said...

Sorry to hear the news, but as someone else said, better this than a divorce down the road, esp. if kids were already in the picture at that point.

Dan
http://journals.aol.com/slapinions/Slap-Inionscom

helmswondermom said...

So sorry that happened.  I hope she made the right decision, and that everything works out for her.  I feel for you, too!
Lori

randlprysock said...

So sorry to hear that they are broken up.  You never know though, maybe they will get back together.  Four years is a long time.  If not, I do hope she gets to use the wedding dress someday on mr right, whomever he may be.  Hugs,
Lisa

artloner said...

Oh Honey!

I'm so sorry.  Everyone has said all of the reasonable stuff...so I'll just say I love you, and I'm a click away...just like always.


xoxoxo,

andi

boiseladie said...

Oh, wow, I'm so sorry to hear about this.  But, I know, making a huge mistake, and knowing you're making it, would be much worse.  She must be doing the right thing.  Hang in there.
http://boiseladie.blogspot.com/

shadierush said...

Isn't it frustrating that you can't tell your grown children what to do and have them actually DO It? I understand where your coming from!
Shadie

sunflowerkat321 said...

I did the same thing.  We hadn't gotten as far as a date and a wedding dress....but there was a ring and an engagement.  Then, I met Aaron and I realized I was saying yes to the longtime boyfriend for the wrong reasons.  I don't know that Aaron was the right choice, but I've never looked back at the other guy with regrets.  That makes me think that going forward with him would have been a mistake.  And I know....no matter how painful this is....the last thing you want is for your daughters marriage to be a mistake.