This morning I was running around the little town I live in racking my brain for something to write about. I hate to think I am experiencing writers block...again! Running has a way of turning into a sort of mantra experience. When I was experiencing a "clean slate" this thought surfaced....people who truly meant something to me and are no longer a part of my life.
It was triggered as I jogged past his parents house. My childhood friend R. His car is backed into their drive way, as if he may jump into it any moment and drive back to Washington State, where he had escaped to many years before. The last time I heard from him was almost three years ago. His name popped up on my caller ID. He did not leave a message, I did not return his call.
He returned home to his parents, a laid off aeronautic engineer. He took a settlement, cashed in his 401-K and headed home after 20 years. He was an alcoholic. He is an alcoholic. He hooked up with another childhood friend of mine, G. And before I knew it I was entertaining the two of them most every night! One crazy absurd night R. turned to me and said, "If G. will not marry you then I will." I looked from one nut case to the other..."These are my choices? I pass." Neither one has ever forgiven me.
R. was in his parents house, climbed out on the second story roof in a sleeping bag and promptly fell asleep, He rolled off the roof, fell to the ground and broke his back. They said he would never walk again, but he did. In 1997 he walked, with canes, into a funeral of yet another childhood friend of ours who dropped dead from a heart attack at 42.
And G.!!! I have written about G. before. He is a bad influence on me. I'll say no more. He is always there for me when I need him. If I ever need him again, he will be angry with me for awhile, then once again, be my best friend. I miss him the most...but he is the furthest away.
And F. One of my best friends. Lost everything in her life, her family, her home, her mind. Another alcoholic. I've written about her before too. I opened my home to her when she lost hers. The seduction and allure of alcohol and comfort of self medication has all but erased my friend. I see her occasionaly around Lexington.....I quickly run the other way.
C. in Louisville. When I was a young mother with an infant she and I shared apartments all over the Highland Area! We had a major falling out when I said something.... I would give anything in the world to take it back. Bridget considered her the Wicked Step Mother...We always laughed about that. For many years Bridget had two very strong female influences on her development. I met C. in Murray when we first went to college in the early 70's. She was a good dear friend for many years.
Then there is S. And E. Two people I worked with at a company in Louisville for approximately 10 years! How do we lose touch like this. I loved them. I can not find them now.
People come and go. Leave an indelible impression on your life and then leave. I miss every one of them. I dare not reach out to the dueling beau's......too complicated now that I am married! (also married a childhood friend...life can be so odd). But the others, the girls, the women, the sisters.....? Why do we allow something so precious and rare as friendship to become so lost.