Friday, October 8, 2004

Scary Octoberfest

(The picture has nothing to do with anything...I just like it!) (Sorry...something amiss with my scanner quality on this!!)

TINY TANKS STRIKES AGAIN

I have always been the designated driver. I am always the appointed chauffeur. It is assumed and taken for granted that I do the driving in this family. In Ireland when he had to assume the role, it was a major problem. Hence, the extra gray hairs, the new swear words and the kissing of the ground at the Return Car Rental Area. This entry is about Louisville Friday night.

The Octoberfest at one time was a great event in Louisville. When I lived there in the 1980's it was held in a section of Louisville known as Butchertown. An empty lot was fenced in and the vendors set up booths, a stage was built for the center piece and a tent was erected for Chicken dancing and other polka dances. Back in the '80's I could go and actually run into people I knew. But that was a long time ago before the world changed.

Now it is being held on Fourth Street downtown. It seemed like a fun place to check out, so Joe and I went down there. I expected to stay a couple of hours eating, watching Joe throw back a few beers, Chicken dancing all that great Octoberfest activities. The festival was spread out over the block between Broadway and Chestnut with the stage at the far end. The closeness that the fenced area demanded and the resulting camaraderie was missing at Fourth Street. The enchanting quality was gone. I threw back my one beer and settled in for people watching. Joe wanted to leave.

So we left.

I am the designated driver for several reasons. The most important is that Joe drinks much faster than I do. The result of that is that he has to go to the bathroom about five times as many times as I do. I think he was tiny tanks. I know every bathroom pit stop from Boston to Miami. And from Galway to Dublin in Ireland! It begins with Joe saying "You better start looking for a stop." Friday night I quipped back, "Is it an orange alert?" He replied, "It feels more like a yellow."

A minute later "IT'S RED, IT'S RED !!!!"  Hearing the frantic tone I knew it was serious.  I quickly made a right turn and pulled into a side road that runs alongside the Waterworks. I darted into the main drive way. To both sides of us was a large concrete retaining wall with huge columns at the entrance, Joe ducked behind one of them.

He must have really had to go, because he was back there for a long time.....and then the police officer pulled up next to me. I panicked.....Flashback to the 1970's......My heart was pounding and I was ineffectively trying to roll down my window, which is electronic! I could only think about the beer I had drank 15 minutes ago. My professional life was passing before my eyes. I finally wrenched open the car door and almost fell out, "Are you okay?" he asked.

All I could think of was, "Peeing in public is a crime," so I said the first thing that popped into my mind, "I pulled over to use my cell phone!", he nodded and drove through the iron gate that opened for him. Joe hops into the car, "That was a close one," he says.

It took five minutes for my heart to stop pounding. The '70's made me a crazy woman.

15 comments:

ksquester said...

Ah Mary, We need to get together and share stories! My husband and I are like you and Joe....I am the designated driver also, but you are much nicer. I had to pull over on the interstate once and my guy didn't even go in the brush, just had the door open and he started going and I started driving off. It was funny for one of us! Good entry and I like the picture too!    Anne

donah42 said...

Sometimes I think I'm still in the 70's :)

readmereadyou said...

Now, I probably would have gone in my pants. Quick thinking.
Angela

mlraminiak said...

This is hilarious, Mary!  I think if you had told the cop that it was a matter of pull over or drown, he'd have understood.  LOL!  Lisa  :-]

my78novata said...

AHHHHHHH we got pulled over coming from theboat house at the rive onenight. Todd had a few beers that night but we ate so his food should handle it. BUT I Had alot. It was one am and I dont use thier bathrooms often because ....... they are small ugh and you must lock the door. SO I htought for the last one I would run home. But as we drove I was like Pull over somewhere I ll squat!!!!!!!  He jumped down a side road and he saw the cop sitting there.The guy pulled us over said where you guys been Todd told him and he said did you have fun and Todd said yeah. HE said how many beers did you have. Todd said 3. He said breath in this as I as pulling out the insurance card. He read the etest I aws thinking I CAN NOT DRIVE if he throws Todd in jail what am I to do????? But Todd passed. The cop said put your insurance card away and have a good trip home. WHO HOOO do I know the heart racing thing!!!!!!!!! WE take no more pit stops coming home or side roads!!!!!!!!!

redhdka said...

That is so funny, it's usually the other way around. Men can usually hold it. I love the alerts part. And  wow quick thinking with the cop I would have panicked too.

yakima127 said...

Quick thinking...WOW!  I am so awful under pressure I end up "telling" on myself!  You're a smart girl, I tell ya!  Good one!  JAE

judithheartsong said...

You are a delight!! judi

kimbellina1957 said...

I AM FOR SURE GOING TO USE THE "CELL PHONE" EXCUSE SHOULD I EVER GET PULLED OVER FOR ANY THING I AM NERVOUS ABOUT. AND I AM WITH YOU ON THE 70'S MAKING YOU CRAZY! LOL!!
GREAT JOURNAL AND I WILL BE BACK AS SOON AS MY PUTER IS FIXED.:)
KIM.

martinsek5 said...

Oh my gosh, thats too funny!  I love the picture too, lol.   Pamela

emfeasel said...

so funny!....good for you thinking so quickly!

E

andreakingme said...

Next time, get pictures! I think I could have broken a rib laughing at a photo of one of those retaining wall columns with Killroy peeking his head around.

jryle79 said...

LMAO, WHAT A PICTURE!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

krobbie67 said...

LOL! Isn't funny how you still feel guilty even if you are stone cold sober? Maybe it's the stoned part. ;-) ---Robbie

txsguinan said...

Now see ~ I KNEW you'd find the Oktoberfest!  Too bad it turned out to be such a bummer.  I know what you mean; they've gotten so big and commercial since...(ahem) 'back in the day'...that they've lost all charm.

Quick thinking on the close call!  For a crazy woman, you sound incredibly sane.  And very funny ~ I love the "tiny tanks" bit ~ (well, you know what I mean.)  With us, it's the opposite; Turk drinks faster, but never seems to go.  It's positively unnatural.  But very convenient.  :)