Hey Dudes!

Alphawoman is over here now....

Just a Hippie Gypsy

Alphawoman's Do's and Don'ts of Job Interviews

Since I am earnestly in the job hunt mode I have learned a few things the past couple of months that I will share with ya'll.

1) Do not be over 50. If you are over fifty, try to not look it. Do remember botox or collagen treatments. Never underestimate the effect of teeth whitening and hair dying.

2) Do have something that fits. Never wait until the last moment (that morning) to pull out your best suit only to find that you can not button it. And if you somehow are able to button it (by laying on bed and sucking in your gut) that the button does not pop off when you breath.

3) Be sure to begin your job search BEFORE the ECONOMY tanks.

4) Prepare for questions that may be asked during the interview process. Such as, "Who was your best boss and why" that you do not launch into a three minute ramble about Duffy and how he motivated the cocktail waitresses to work harder with a $100 bonus to the one that pushes the most alcohol beverages during a week's time. Once you are in the middle of it you are realize you do not know if your interviewer is a teetotaler whose father died of liver failure plus you have just revealed you were once a cocktail waitress!! When the slight panic settles in you once again begin to ramble about your worst boss being a woman and how you just can't work for a woman! Because at the conclusion of the interview you are informed that you (if you get the job...fat chance) will direct report to a woman.

5) Be prepared to answer the most inane questions. For example, "Where did you go to High School?" ...(WTF??)...and you supply the answer with the name of a Central Kentucky Catholic High School. "What was your primary area of study?"...(WTF? 35 years ago?) so that you do not blurt out some smart ass answer such as "Well, religion naturally!" Also be prepared to list your extracurricular activities, which when I was asked (I swear to God) all I could think of was us driving down those small back roads hurling empty Little King bottles at road signs. Do not snicker or snort when watching the long ago movie play in your head.

6) Try not to be older than the kid interviewing you. (hard to do at my age).

7) Never ever under any circumstances either by body language or facial expression that you consider your interviewer to be of inferior intelligence.

8) Never ever say, "Where are the women around here??"

9) Do have a joke prepared just in case you are asked to tell one! A good one is this..."Two guys are drinking in a bar..." (refer to #4)

10) Do change your shoes before going in for the interview to avoid looking down at your feet and seeing your muddy snow boots and blurting out, "Oh My God" and startling the interviewer.

I have encounter and committed every single one of these do's and don'ts.

That is why I am still unemployed.

Failure to Launch

I am sitting at the computer terminals at the Mississippi branch of the library around the apartment that we rent so that Joe can work and keep his sanity. Because of the terrible market, we have decided to keep the house in Indiana and just rent down here. Both he and I spend out time traveling back and forth a great deal.

Now that the time has come that it is imperative that I find a job! I have taken a couple and quit both of them, much to Joe's chagrin. Now that I absolutely must have a job, they are very hard to find.

Especially if you are middle aged. And I mean, really middle aged.

Joe and I were sitting on the "couch" and I asked if 40 were the new 30 was 50 the new 40 and I didn't really look my age did I? Didn't I look like I was cool when I was younger?

I'm pathetic.

So I am going to resurrect Alphawoman. She rises from the ashes. A long time ago I created another jnl. on Blogger and I guess I will continue to keep up both. Alpha is my first attempt and my first true love.

I am rambling.

I went and saw the latest Brad Pitt movie, the Curious Case (?) of Ben. Button.

It made me cry and every so once in a while I would think, this is a long movie....but I still really liked it.

happy New Year.

Nightmare on AOL Street

I woke up a little while ago almost worn out from the dream I was having. It was one of my three reoccurring nightmares. The theme to this one is I am back at school because I have failed to complete all the credits required to graduate. It is usually college where I wander around some unfamiliar campus looking for some obscure building that I have never seen before!

This time I was a rotten teenager. Or rather I was 20 years old. I know this because as I slipped on my ten ton back pack, my half ton purse loaded with all my essentials, my lunch which was a sandwich crammed into a tiny plastic Tupperware thing and the top didn't fit and my sandwich got wet because it was raining I calculated how I was too old for this....at 20. I decided to skip school and was farting around looking for the text books thinking that "Dad" would leave to go to work and I would be home free. Only Dad was Gabriel Byrne (wow!) and was on to my tricks, reluctantly I struggled into that damn back pack when this witch arrives on the scene and says she is Gabriel's fiance and that erupts into a shouting match of some magnitude. Then I wake up and go "Wow!" and I was exhausted.

This is one of those many times when I really miss Joe (who is on assignment). He always listens patiently to my rambles about the dream and inevitably the questions, "What do you think it means?" or "What do you think about that?" and the usual one, "What brought that on?"

I suppose I was just unsettled because of the forced evacuation of AOL Journals. Yesterday I began to back up my journal by engaging in the laborious task of copying and pasting into Microsoft Word. In a way it was soothing to revisit many of those entries. Some I had sought out, like the one about the Jesuit who told about the possessions of people and places, but most were tiny gems of the necklace of my AOL Journal. I was prolific at the beginning and I breath a sigh of relief knowing that I slowed down in time!

I am lucky because I have been blogging on both AOL and Blogger since the beginning, so the majority of my entries are also parked in that journal, which has assumed many names. The beauty of Blogger, you can change your name!!

And as many of my AOL friends will find out, Blogger is a safe haven. And as they become more comfortable they will marvel at the tools available to them to continue the community outside the confines of AOL.

Among the nany advantage, your counters will always work!! You can manipulate your pictures to insert them into different areas of your text. You can write an entry and save it rather than publish it right away. You can link up to Flickr and Slideshow and a multitude of other fun stuff that was unavailable on AOL. You can take on advertising yourself and reap the benefits rather than AOL using us and our journals for gain.

The list goes on and on, but I have not had my coffee yet.

 

Who Moved My Velveeta?

As of late I do not go into a grocery store very often. Since finding ALDI, I run in and grab a gallon of milk and a bag of chicken and that's it. I wanted to join one of those farm community things earlier this spring, but the cost was prohibitive considering it was only me (with the Memphis situation looming large). So I realized that I could shun the Walmart and Kroger produce aisle and with a conscience free of guilt shop with abandon at the Farmers market and Paul's Fruit Market.

Yet, I still must go to Walmart and grab the essentials.  Usually I'll keep a running list of things I need and I always fail to grab it on the way out the door. What that means is as I run through the store I am trying to recreate that absent list! Bottled water, laundry detergent, Crystal light etc. etc. etc.

Heading towards the check out counter, after three (three!!!) return trips down the aisles I realized I had forgotten cheese! Damn!! I must have cheese.

And there it was in the, piled high in "action alley" calling to my inner child with a yellow comforting beacon.

Velveeta!

I tossed the two pound brick into the jumble of items in my basket and felt a surge of pleasure at the sheer recklessness of my decision! I remembered those oozing cheesey margarine soaked artery clogging grilled sandwiches my Mom use to make for us kids on those days when school was called off due to snow. I love my Mother dearly, but that woman can not cook! And her grill cheese sandwiches, usually burnt on one side and undercooked on the flip were delicious.

Ah, Velveeta! How I've missed you.

Hometown Closing it's Doors?

Does this mean the AOL Journals are going away?

Bummer and double bummer. I just commented to someone not to long ago that I feared the Journals were on the chopping block!

Ode to Pancakes

I have searched and searched for the quote from the late Mitch Hedberg about pancakes. But, it went something like this....

                "Pancakes, all thrilling and exciting at the begining, sickening as s*** at the end."

Kind of like keeping a weblog for five years! Good Lord, five years. Things feel forced and stilted when I sit down and try and write an entry. The first year, and in truth, for a long time, it was easy. Stuff just flowed from my fingers. Of course, it was new , thrilling and exciting! Now it feels that my writing is out of practice, or I am out of practice.

So, I should just do it write the sickening s*** daily.

Thank God Maksie is back on Dancing With The Stars. I did not even watch it last season because he was taking a break. Tonight he danced the Pasa Doble with his new partner. Nothing could compare when he and  Mel B set the dance floor on fire dancing the Pasa Doble! Mel B was robbed by the way.

I have it bad for Maksie.