Saturday, January 7, 2006

Baseball Metaphors

When I was young, I mean younger.....oh heck, when I was a teenager I thought I would not live to be 30 let alone 50.

The year 2000 loomed out there in the future, in space. It seemed mind boggling and insane that I would be older than my parents if I lived to the year 2000. They were old and decrepit. Antiquated. Teetering on feeble. They were 39 and 47.

I contemplated life a lot back them. After all, I was a moody teenager with plenty of time on my hands because I avoided homework like the plague. So, I day dreamed and contemplated life a lot.

Now it is well into the year 2006 and I am totally amazed that I have survived to this ripe old age. God knows I tried to sabotage it by living life dangerously and precariously at times. With careless abandon most the time. Who was it that said if they knew they were going to live this long they would have taken better care of themselves? Micky Mantle?

I contemplate life still as I pump it out on the machines at the Fitness Center Joe and I joined several months ago. I have not taken it seriously until the new year. After all, what use is it to try and deny yourself when the holidays are advancing. If I had started then, I would have messed it up immediately. So I waited. I made the occasional trip to the center to acquaint myself with the clientele and where everything is located. I am happy to report, the clientele is cool, mostly out of shape middle age chumps like myself.

I think I may be committed to loosing the excess weight and toning up. The great upside...besides all that stuff about health and the fabulous wardrobe I have that I no longer fit in. It's waiting for me!

The other night I looked at myself in one of the many mirrors in the downstairs aerobic room. "Those arms are not mine!!!!!!" I was mortified. I am also mortified at the size of my boobs! They now have a zip code of their own. They pop out of my bra's when I lean over. It is so embarrassing. I play with my bra and my underwires as much as any major league pitcher plays with his cup. It is becoming a habit. A very unbecoming habit! They pop out a lot.

I am concentrating on using the machines that work my upper body with the hopes that my arms stop flapping in the breeze and my boobs come under control.

Yesterday morning I awoke and immediately knew something was wrong. My right arm would not move. It was frozen into a broken bird wing sort of position. It hurt all day long. Joe made fun of me last night because try as I may, I could not stretch my arm out straight without writhing in pain. ( a little over the top acting is fun sometimes).

Getting back into shape is hard. I should have listened to Micky.

(What am I saying? Micky Mantle?!! What is up with all this baseball imagery?)


artloner said...

Do they have a pool?

That arm thing you've got goin' on is the main reason why people go to the gym for 6 weeks (until med-Feb) and then drop it.  You can burn more calories in a water walking class, and nobody there will really care what you look like in a swimsuit.  ;)

Just call me Helpful Hannah.


mariebm56 said...

The Arm & Boob disease is a very common problem, just don't look in the mirror anymore, I don't, that helps. Besides..... Your eyesight should be going soon, so you won't have to worry about the mirror problem.
; )

rollinghillsides said...

HAHAHAHAHA  A very witty entry, enjoyed it alot!   ( and I loved Marie's very clever retort, too)!   Judy, in CT  

readmereadyou said...

I could probably take that trip I always wanted to to Paris, flying with my underarms falpping for free. No need for a plane. LOL! To think, I spent my whole life as a skinny girl and then woman and I still got flappy underarms. I think this is a very bad joke gravity plays on the body. : )

ksquester said...

Just wait until a few more years pass. I lived ON THE EDGE yesterday and had a fried fish dinner. OMG, never again!  If my boobs  popped out when I lean over, I'd surely blacken my eyes. I gave up underwires a year ago, when I found that the wires were cutting into my skin.  My grandmother lived to be 97 yrs old, fried everything in lard and worked hard, but didn't exercise, so to speak. She was probably a whole 87 lbs when she died, but she still had her "chicken wings" as she called her arms.  Try NOT to kill yourself in the gym Mary. I am trying to age with humor and grace.......the grace comes harder!  Anne

nellemclaughlin said...

The older I get the younger old ages seem. I have packed on some holiday cookie and egg nog pounds. Have to get them off. I am feeling miserable. My one grandmother is 93 and still going strong. Ate eggs and butter nearly everyday. My other grandmother fried everything in bacon grease and lived to be 97 but got Alzheimers and was unaware of the last three years of her life. Good luck with the exercise.

flossiepumpkin said...

come on.  getting old is lots of fun, you can curse out loud and people say-oh she is senile already....i go to aerobics twice a week, and i am spreading wider!! go figure....roberta

blondepennierae said...

Your arms and boobs might be the teller for you, but boy you should see what I sit on.  On second thought, think I'll just keep sitting hoping on one will notice.  Pennie

yakima127 said...

No comment...JaE

sunnyside46 said...

I am looking forward to being that age when I can be as weird as I wanna be and be labled "eccentric" instead of "crazy"

belfastcowboy75 said...

I see I'm the only male who dare comment on this. Mary, you know that group shot of all the hurricane refugees? Don't you realize what the focal point(s) is/are in that photo?

suzypwr said...

We all have our cleavage, I mean crosses, to bear.

randlprysock said...

Yes, my bras are not fitting right either.  My whole body has been invaded.  I'm with you and wishing us both great commitment and success in our workout endeavors.  

sunflowerkat321 said...

I think there are a lot of post holiday pounds here in j-land.  I know I have a few.  Good luck with your exercise program.  I'm out there sweating it out too!!

mtrib2 said...

As I get older I can live my whole life in a day which is frightening, but gives one wisdom.    Head injury and PTSD not withstanding.    No one would care to live through my life which is why I am severly depressed so much.    I spent more money on my old printer trying to make some acceptable prints and the new print cartridge is causing problems.    I will use up some inks on unimportant projects but will not waste my good 11 X 17 photo paper.    Some day I will get a new large format photo printer, just not for a year or two or three years.    You must keep Joe happy doing all your "adjustments" of wires and thingeys.  lol   The sit ups that I am doing for my back are paying off, as I feel less pain at the moment, even though this morning was traumatic, which the weather is blamed for.   I am on medication or I could not function and life would be too stressful.    The meds don't make me euphoric, they just sedate, and relax my back muscles.   I have not eaten all day and I don't feel hungry.    I know how important good nutrition is though and will feel hungry later.   Fasting can be used for religious atonement, so the benefit can be spiritually consequential.      mark

garyvp said...

Hey Mary! Happy New Year. I've been traveling a lot and quite busy with work and family and haven't visited for awhile. I'm sure glad I did, though. Your journal is still fresh and insightful. Congrats on the Travelblog Award.


flossiepumpkin said...

gotta tell u, i am past 50, not by a lot, i joined a program called silver sneakers, run by my hmo-humana. i go 2 times a week. i feel like hell, look like s--t. and best of all i am still plump. lolololol......roberta

jayveeconcerto said...

I can sure relate to a lot of this (well, all except for the weight part & the size of the boobs..........they have a zip code of their own???? Wow, I'd like to see that....LOL)   Jon