Sunday, December 19, 2004

REMINISCE, REGRET AND COFFEE

MEMORY BOX :  L. AND C.F.

I started off calling this Pandora's Box. Then I realized it was not that, but a magic box full of pictures from my High School years and early college. Each picture transforms the box into a music box, the sweet melody of the memories gently nudging my day dreams.

I saw C.F. this past week. There is no other like her. There never will be a replacement for her, the space she holds in my heart. She is the closest thing I ever had to a sister after my two blood sisters. Circumstance, alcohol, bad marriage, guilt and trauma, maybe post trauma stress syndrome accompanied with death, mental illness, denial, and loosing everything has transformed my best friend into someone I do not know. I will never have C.F. back the way she was before life and alcohol beat her down and rearranged her.

The woman was wearing a camel color car coat length jacket tightly belted at the waist. Around her neck was a long knitted scarf dramatically wrapped, the ends flying like wings on either side of her. Her legs appeared skinny under the long tailored pants, balanced on spiky high heeled shoes. On her head was a jauntily angled cap. Her hands were encased in leather gloves. Extended out for balance as she confidently jay walked across Short Street. A cigarette dangled between the fingers.

I never saw her face, but I know it was her. No one crosses a street with such astyle as she. No matter the amount of alcohol and regret that ravages her, she can still stop traffic.

20 comments:

yakima127 said...

I don't know what to say.  But I wanted you to know I was here...you have an awesome writing style.  JAE

ksquester said...

Oh Mary, How poignant. Isn't it shocking what alcohol  and all the above can do to people? Thanks for sharing this entry.  Anne

my78novata said...

Ihave a friend that does not even have that stuff as an excuse for change. She got a job and now she does not have any respect or time for for her other friends. None of us matter to her now. But its so sad so very sad. Lori

chasenkids said...

How have I missed your journal?  This entry was beautiful... I love your words and have spent the last fifteen minutes reading your blog. You are so on ALERT status and my favorites!

~Jaime

k2plus2 said...

Mary, even when it is hard to take, it sounds so eloquent written by you.  I appreciate your beautiful words and your tribute to CF.  I think we all have someone like that in our lives, to some extent.  Cya, Kris

readmereadyou said...

Alcohol! You have your memories and still your love for her is so evident. Hopefully, she will find herself. The picture is of two beautiful young girls. I'm really at a loss for words and rambling. I know. Let's just say, I feel your pain.
Angela

belfastcowboy75 said...

I lost my best friend to the bottle for ten years, but he made it back. He's not what he was, exactly, but most of a great friend is better than none.

greyhoundloner03 said...

What a beautiful thought.  

suzypwr said...

I am sorry your friend has suffered so much. It's hard to watch someone you love go through that kind of transition. xoxo

oceanmrc said...

You've reminded me of an old friend I need to call this holiday week.  Thank you.

krobbie67 said...

Beautiful entry Mary. Bittersweet. I think it's awesome that you hold her in a place of love. :-) ---Robbie

judithheartsong said...

I am thinking of you. judi

dcmeyer420 said...

Great entry. Very poignant story. Is there a part two to this entry? Don't say this is all, please. This is a cliffhanger. Please, pray tell more!

mlraminiak said...

Isn't it amazing, the feelings that old pictures can stir up?  Lisa  :-]

chasingmoksha said...

Oh Alpha what a story.  I can just imagine seeing her.  I hope she takes care.

gypsytrader49 said...

Awesome entry. I lost my uncle to alcohol. Your tribute to CF was well written. Lovely to read.

hope5555 said...

I love these kinds of bittersweet reminiscences.  There are certain friends from the past that we will never forget.

sonensmilinmon said...

Mary, I'm left sitting here speechless or at least not knowing what to say.  This was beautifully written.  I hope CF knows she still has a place in your heart, despite circumstances of the past.

Monica

mrccgoody said...

I can see her crossing the street now. I have a lost family member, in much the same way...

chasingmoksha said...

The dedicated an entry to the world's greastest photographer, he wants to learn how to focus:

http://journals.aol.com/chasingmoksha/MrGrinchsBlog/entries/912