Monday, July 25, 2005

A DEMANDING MISTRESS

Crossroad in Life

Be forewarned, this is going to ramble. I am at a cross roads in my life and I know what I am going to do, I'm not certain it is the right thing, because it seems the easy way out. Doing the right thing usually hurts and requires a lot more integrity, stamina and character than I have right now.

I raised my voice to my boss today. Wrong thing to do. What was I thinking. Do I have a death wish? Did I crack? It was as if I slapped him! I won't go into all the horrid details, but I have had enough. I told him I felt I was in a hostile environment. He repeated the same questions over and over I thought I was going to pass out, I finally asked if we needed an arbitrator.

I candidly told him ( because I felt bad making him think he was the total cause for my feelings of being an outsider, never to be admitted to the club) that when I interviewed for the job, I realized I did not want it. That it was a total shock when it was offered to me. I accepted because of the money.

I'm working at a job I hate because it pays me exceptionally well. And terrific benefits etc. etc. etc. Yet, I am totally unhappy.

I was going to make a list of the Pro's and Con's as to stay with the job or quit. Quit. I am so ashamed of the word applied to me. As I drove home my biggest thought was, "I hope the Con list is longer." That told me right there that I was going to resign.

This job and me are not a good fit. I loved what I did before, albeit I was bored to tears at times, I still loved it. I hate this job. H -A- T- E  IT!.

The only good thing (besides the money) is Deep Throat. I hate to let him down.

22 comments:

oceanmrc said...

This brings back my feelings about my first real job.  Best thing I did in my life was to quit that job.  May people told me I needed to stick it out for 3 years, but I quit at the end of month 13 -- thank God.

my78novata said...

quit the jo b you will be blessed I know Had hubby do that a few times and its not worth the loss of health

sunnyside46 said...

isn't it weird how you know how you want the coin to land the moment you toss it?
you know when a decision feels right.
follow your heart
Marti

ksquester said...

So you are at a crossroad in life........take it....as Yogi Berra once said! It's a solid decision that your gut knows. You aren't a quitter, you are a wise women who has to wear ugly shoes and ALWAYS be considered an outsider. So put on the music "Take This Job and Shove It" and dance around in your bare feet and praise the Lord!  Anne

jtuwliens said...

Oh my...  This is definitely a crossroad.  A good, yes very good, crossroad!  Sounds like happiness is trumping money.
Best,
Judith
http://journals.aol.com/jtuwliens/MirrorMirrorontheWall

helmswondermom said...

Don't stick around when you aren't happy.  My husband was recently offerred a job with the company he quit three years ago, at more money than he's making now and just as good benefits.  He said no thanks.  Not worth the stress he knew would come with the job.  He said just thinking about it made a knot in his stomach.  Sometimes you just know when it's the right thing to do for you.  Hope it works out well for you.
Lori

mavarin said...

Years ago, I got John to promise not to quit a job he hated until he found something else.  We couldn't afford to do otherwise!  But that doesn't sound like your situation.  Something quitting is NOT the path of least resistance, or a failure.  Do what you need to do! - Karen

lowis6535 said...

    After retirement ... I have been reflecting upon my decision to remain with a company that paid much less, but the atmosphere & concern for employees made it so much more pleasant.
    I could have made much more money at other companies; I am suffering from lack of money now ....
   Not sure if I made the right choice ... but, I am so missing my job & its way of life ... maybe the grand memories of my occupation are worth it??????????

indigosunmoon said...

If you hate it...QUIT!  Definitely!  Working at a job
you absolutely loathe, will make you OLD and
BITTER!  And honey, you don't want that...
Good luck!
Connie

lisaram1955 said...

<I'm working at a job I hate because it pays me exceptionally well. And terrific benefits etc. etc. etc. Yet, I am totally unhappy.>

Mary, I have been there and done that, more times than I care to count.  And it is NEVER a good place to be.  Life is too short to be miserable for as many hours as one has to spend at the workplace.  Brava! for deciding to get the hell out of Dodge.  You are not a quitter.  You are making a sound decision based on what is right for you.  Lisa  :-]

dcmeyer420 said...

If you hate it, you already made the decision. Still, I know you are in turmoil right now so I'm sending you tons of hugs...

mtrib2 said...

You have some very intense feeling.  Sort them all out and I know you will come to the best solution.  Getting yourself upset over anything only does you harm.  Take the best care of yourself, and you have plenty of support.  Your family will always be your best support.   mark

belfastcowboy75 said...

It's not quitting, Mary. It's choosing health and happiness. You're choosing integrity. You've already given up friends and familiar surroudings.

Then there's the matter of those Rockports. signed, BGH

camaroisle050856 said...

Whatever you decide to do, Mary, I know you'll have made the right decision.

Best Wishes,
Debi

nellemclaughlin said...

TWO years ago I was working a job like that and had a boss like that. When my chest began to pound and I felt I couldn't breathe I knew I was in trouble. The company paid for me to see a therapist and she advised me to quit. I was able to get unemployment because I had filed reports with HR that we were not compatible. I hate missing the paychecks BUT I later learned something was wrong with my heart and that quitting the job to pursue that saved my life. Nelle

keenedonna said...

Mary, if you  are not a quitter or you never would have taken the job in the first place.
Don't you see you gave it your best shot and if it didn't work out it's not your fault. You can now walk away guilt free, you did your best. Life is too short for you not to be happy in what you do for a living, too many wasted hours of the day.
Go with your head held high and a smile on your face, you deserve the very best and its out there waiting for you. Good luck and may GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR COURAGE.
Donna Keene

suzypwr said...

Just remember it's easier to get a new job when you already have a job. Good luck with your search!!

xoxo

txsguinan said...

Crossroads always mean choice, and life is too short to deliberately choose misery.  Sometimes quitting is the only courageous thing to do.  And the only way to move forward.  Good luck!!!  

cneinhorn said...

raising your voice might have been the wrong choice, but you are not fullfilled career wise at the moment and sounds like it's time to make some changes...I wish you all the best while you decide what to do next..

~  www.jerseygirljournal.com

garyvp said...

Recognizing that you are on the wrong path, stepping off that path and setting a new course is not quitting--it's courageous. Life is too short to live any other way than authentically. Got for it!

GVP
www.centerginc.com

paisleyskys said...

I am soooooo sorry that you have adventured into unhappiness.
You can and maybe should consider walking ( hell running ) back home.
No offence to Indianna but Kentucky is breath taking.
And for you it is home...
be happy friend.
I made the same mistake 100 years ago moving to New Mexico for all the wrong reasons...took me 5 years to get back to Michigan.

Wishing you health, happiness and laughter.
TJ~

http://journals.aol.com/vaultofsecrets/MoonDancer/

theresarrt7 said...

I'm at a crossroads myself.  My job no longer inspires me.  I'm giving some thought of making a big change as soon as my son finishes his last year of college (this year).  Another position, maybe.  Quitting all together and drawing my retirement out.  I'm with the people here who say life's too short to stay in a job you hate.  It's too short under any circumstances.  So why be miserable.  Good luck with your decision.