Saturday, July 9, 2005

FRIENDS

 Good Friends are hard to find, harder to leave, impossible to forget.  


For someone who is so adamant about hanging on to things, I wish I were more committed to holding on to the people I have known in all the various places and stages of my life.

I have been kept so busy and occupied with my new job, that I hit the ground running every morning and fall into bed exhausted in the evenings. I have little time to miss things back home. Yet, when I do, I miss it in a big way. In a heart aching, tears rushing to gush out of my eyes sort of way.

Over the years, my friends tend to be those I work with. I suppose this is natural, because I am with them day in and day out. I begin to know everything about them. Their wonderfulness, their weaknesses, their trials, their families, their dreams, their disappointments, their faults. I look forward to seeing them, and sharing my life with them as they do with me. I miss them so much, that it is hard to put into words. I guess I love them.

I have moved so often, that I have many enclaves of people I have left behind.

Beginning with my grammar school class there were twelve of us who began first grade and finished the eight years together. When I went to a Catholic school in Lexington, most of them went to the local public high school. When our worlds were no longer the same,  only over lapping a little, we went our different ways.

My High School friends! Once it ended, I applied to the college the furthest west you could go without leaving Kentucky. I was the only one. Lost again.

College. What an experience I had in Western Kentucky. I have kept in contact with only a handful of people over the years. Every so often I run into someone, but it is few and far between.

Then my excessive and over the top job experiences! The wonderful, interesting, and lovable people I have encounter, befriended, loved, then lost. I miss them all.

Now I am starting all over again. A whole new set of people. The Turtle, (who incidentally is going to get his tater smoked once he returns from vacation, but that is another story) was my first friend in this new land. But, come to find out he was no friend at all! A wolf in sheep's clothing.

"Deep Throat" my new real friend is as interesting as they get. I have been spending an enormous amount of time with D.T. since the Turtle is on vacation. Having a blast.

He is more like me. We have to work. It is not our lives! It does not obsess us nor overpower us. We know how the system works. We know how to play the game. And the game is CYA and cover for your buddies.

It is so sad to leave people behind. Finding new friends is the cure for that type of melancholy.

 

23 comments:

oceanmrc said...

I love these photos!  I wish I could say that they all look exactly like my life, but that flowing blonde hair is a definite distinction!

sistercdr said...

I identify so much with this.  I make these deep friendships, and then when it's time to move on, the emotional connection remains, but the contact doesn't.  I keep in occasional contact with some college friends, but so many others, work friends, neighbors, old church friends have all slipped away.  I miss them all.  I'm finding it harder as I get older to make new friends, and I've got to work on that.  Friends are too precious.

mtrib2 said...

It is amazing that now at 53 years of age, the perspective of people that I have known and been friends with, gradually become a distant point in time.  I will never forget the good friends that I have made.  Enjoyed reading your journal today.

my78novata said...

I miss the type of friendships we use to have. Ihavent hada good one in a long time.

lisaram1955 said...

I have not been a big one for making friends.  I have not had very many, but the ones I HAVE had, I've been very attached to.  It has been so strange to have these people become part of my past, rather than part of my life.  I miss them so much, I can't even let myself think about it. Lisa  :-]

suzypwr said...

I have been lucky and have been able to hold on to some long time friends, even though some now live in other states. Friends are so imporant. Good entry!

xoox

nellemclaughlin said...

I have three friends from childhood I am sitll in touch with. Still our lives are so very different. We can get together and enoy reminiscing but to be honest we don't have that much in common anymore. Still they have their place. I am reminded of the Beatles song "In My Life" by this entry. Wishing you wonderful new friendships, Nelle

freeepeace said...

Great entry Mary.  I love the pictures.  Are you in them?  Where?  Show!!

I understand the friend thing.  I went to Catholic school till 4th grade.  Then moved to a different town where I was a total outcast in public school.  High school was better.  College was wayyyyy better than them all. Moving to Los Angeles has been the best so far (13 yrs this month).  Things just keep getting better as I grow older...as far as connections go.

Remember too that people come in and out of our lives for many reasons.  Their time with us is crucial for that specific time.  Those relationships help form who we are today.  It may be that they are no longer meant to be in your life at this moment.  But for some reason, remembering them is important today.

andreakingme said...

Sheet, Mary, you made me cry at this entry ... because I'm feeling the same things you are. But even if I wasn't, I still woulda cried.

txsguinan said...

Like the song says, "You Got To Have Friends!"  They flow, like water, throughout the landscape of our lives.  Where would we be without them?  I think your last line captures both the sadness and the joy of these important relationships best.  Nice entry!   :)

jtuwliens said...

Here's wishing you a well-spring of new friends to love!
Best,
Judith
http://journals.aol.com/jtuwliens/MirrorMirrorontheWall

mavarin said...

Yeah.  I have different sets of friends from different mileu, but the principle is the same.  There is exactly one person from my childhood (1st-7th grade) that I still hear from every couple of years, my best friend for much of that time, but we have littlein common now.  I have two friends from college who are still in touch, nobody from Columbus (my best friend there still lives with me, as a husband should), and a few Whovians here.  I've even lost touch with my team members from UoP, and the people at Wordwide.  Thank goodness for online friends! - Karen

martinsek5 said...

I love the pictures!  It is sad to think about friendship's lost....  but people change and I don't think they can all last forever.  Pamela

lightyears2venus said...

I want to hear more about DT!  That Girl Scout photo was a jolt--almost identical to one I have.  I have been devastated so many times when someone I felt close to moved on and when I myself was the mover.  I'm usually the one who tries to stay in touch and feel sad when the effort is not returned; I also feel very guilty when someone tries to keep in contact with me and I don't do my part.  Your entry and several responses helped me put that issue of mine into perspective.  Your last line really is so wise and insightful--thanks.  Side note: today I saw a preview for the new movie Elizabethtown and Kirsten Dunst teaches Orlando Bloom how to say 'Loo uh vulle'.  That evoked my Kentuckian mother (born in Paducah and raised in Providence), whose speech had been fairly westernized by the time I was born except for that one word.  She's been gone awhile and I have been seized lately with the urge to visit her only sibling still living (in Henderson) and get some family history before it's too late.  

hope5555 said...

Great entry! I've moved around some, too, and it's so hard to keep in touch with people from your past.  E-mail helps a lot as I was never that great at phone calls or letters.

belfastcowboy75 said...

Mary v. the Turtle? I'll take the Alphawoman at any odds. No contest. Any takers?

krobbie67 said...

It is indeed. But, the loss is still there. I've moved as much, if not more, as you and know exactly what you are talking about. Getting to the business of making new friends does indeed make it easier. :-) ---Robbie

emfeasel said...

We are two peas in a pod...our situations run parallel...me too with all the moving...leaving people is hard...losing touch is even harder, especially whenr you realize it after the fact....the only cure for sure is new friends...that's something I DO know....E

ryanagi said...

I hope you meet lots of fun people to hang with soon! I hope you do WAY better than I have. I've lived here in this house for 11 years and I don't know anyone around here still. LOL

mrccgoody said...

I'm glad you're making new friends (excepting 'Turtle')...I always feel so much better in a new place when I've started a rapport with someone (it usually takes me a lot longer than you, probably - I'm a shy one!)...You're absolutely right, that's the best way to combat the sadness of missing those you left.

umashouse said...

one of the things i learned in this life of mine is that I HATE SAYING GOODBYE.

I miss some of my old friends deeply

ckays1967 said...

I believe that the hearts of all our friends are forever etched onto our souls and thus we never, ever really say goodbye.  The words of a true friend will haunt me for always.

Great entry!  
Great pictures!

deabvt said...

A wonderful reminiscence.
V