Friday, August 12, 2005

FREEDOM'S JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE

I resigned from my job. After seven and a half years with the same company, I am now unemployed. I could not take one minute longer at that Hell Hole of a Sales center. I tried my best, realized my weaknesses, began to read the Seven Habits of Highly Successful People and incorporate them into my work day. I got up earlier, worked harder, stayed later, did everything possible I could to "get it" but missed the mark.

I would come home at night and feel like I had been physically beat up. The constant negative feed back was eating me alive. Sucking the life out of me.

I do not feel anything anymore. No joy, no anticipation, no passion, no happiness, no interest, no humor, no exuberance, nothing. Just dread and sadness.

When I felt like I would rather eat Rat Poison than return I knew it was time to call Human resources and explore my options.

Being able to resign effective immediately was an option. The Labor Relation guy told me they had gotten along without me before I arrived, they could cover the territory with me gone.

I never felt right in that position. The shoes! I dressed like a man rather that the sexy hot Mama I am. I felt like I had left working the front office and landed in the basement.

I still am in shock. My self confidence is in shambles. I am numb. I am going to take some time to heal from this horrible, dreadful, overwhelmingly awful experience.

 I think I will burn those shoes in effigy

30 comments:

gaboatman said...

On the positive side, you reallized this job was a living hell and had the gumption to get out of there.  There IS life after a terrible job.  Take some time to settle yourself and start exploring options.  This could be the time to branch out and try some off-the-wall type job that just sounds like it could be really fun, like, in my case, Dock Master.  Right now, though you need a little time to decompress and start feeling again.  Good luck.  Write to me if you need some support from one who has "been there."
Sam

mtrib2 said...

It is their loss, not yours.  With your motivation I am sure you will succeed in a job much better suited to your abilitys.  About those shoes, pitch them, or give them to a dog that likes to chew.   Have a great weekend of relaxation,   mark

My photo/artwork journal:
http://journals.aol.com/mtrib2/landscapeartwork  

demandnlilchit said...

When I have had to make a serious decision such as yours, I find when I wake up the next morning and have no regrets, then I know it was the right decision. I think knowing that you don't ever have to subject yourself to that environment again must be liberating in itself. Now it's on to bigger and better things!

martinsek5 said...

Well, you know I can relate :-)  Believe me, it get's better.  You'll do fine and come out of this a better person!  Be gentle with yourself and enjoy your time off!  You've been through a major change with the move and need some time to stop and think.  Hugs, Pamela

sieblonde said...

You are not your job.   In fact, it sounds like you are a whole lot better than that job!  You spend too much time at work to be miserable.  Now you can find something you really enjoy!

xzasporated1 said...

Any job that makes you physically ill with just the thought of it is not worth the paycheck, because it will eat at you and eat at you until no amount of money in the world will put you back whole again.  Good luck with this new phase of your life.  Personally I envy the confidence you have in yourself, being able to leave rather than try to tough it out, only to be miserable.  You're worth more than that, and you've proven you recognize it.

~~ jennifer

nellemclaughlin said...

Two years ago I was in the same boat and chose the same option. Sometimes you really have no choice. When you lose all the quality of your life then it's time to walk away. I am still job hunting but I had taken a year and a half off to deal with my heart problem. I would give yourself time to recover. You are probably emotionally drained as I was. It takes time but you know some jobs are just not right for a person and the only thing to do is resign. I hope you end up with something that you will really like. Nelle

shellys555 said...

You did the right thing and you will find the job that's right for you. We spend so much of our day at work, we should feel if not good about it, at least satisfied that we'd done a good job, that we are respected for what we do. I've been in the situation where I dreaded going to work, but I was lucky. The boss from hell retired and her replacement was infinitely better.

Take care of yourself and good luck.

suzypwr said...

I hated my job for most of 27 years. I admire someone who can and does do something about being miserable in a job! Good for you!
xoxo

ksquester said...

Dance an Irish jig while you are burning those shoes in effigy. I really think it is a combnation of several things Mary. Leaving a state that you love, your family behind,  having your life changed several times over the past year and going to a new state and immeadiately starting a job. It's the ending of a long hot summer and the beginning of cooler weather and a different perspective on life. You'll get through this. In the meantime burn those damn shoes!   Anne

ryanagi said...

I can't say I'm surprised. I could tell you were miserable there. Honestly, when I read the first sentance my reaction was YAY! Good for HER! Breath deeply, let go of the stress, then find a WAY better job. Just remember how well you did in your last job and how loved you were. Make this job just a bad dream.

artloner said...

Burn Em', Bebe'!!!  

You have absolutely done the right thing.  The Labor Relations Guy is a schmoe, and you are going to find a much better fit very soon.  Pamela (Martinsek5) did the same thing and was unemployed for an entire day.  :)

I'm behind you all the way, as are all your friends here who get up earlier than I do.  ;)

Much Love & A Big Hug,

Andi

indigosunmoon said...

Working a job that makes you miserable, will make you
OLD really quick.  Been there, done that.  You'll find
something perfect for you, I just know it!
Good luck!
Connie

blondepennierae said...

It is easy for us to sit here and read about your awful experience, but we didn't have to walk in 'those' shoes.  You need to rest and recharge.  Then there will be new light and energy and a new, more appreciating position that has been waiting just for you.  Pennie

sonensmilinmon said...

Whew, what a sigh of relief here. I had wondered if you were going to stick it out or if you would let it go and find your true place.  I know this is hard - I went through an experience much like it myself when Aetna moved it's office and I took another job in the same area but, new department.  I never felt as if I belonged no matter how hard, how much effort I had put forth.  I'll keep you in my positive thoughts and prayers.  Now, go burn those damn shoes!

Monica
http://journals.aol.com/photographybymon/Mamarazzi/
http://journals.aol.com/sonensmilinmon/SmilinMonsAdventures/

belfastcowboy75 said...

Ah, Mary, there are just places where the climate is miserable and people in charge think more gets done that way. Your self-esteem and hot sexy mamahood should not be affected by this. I say, put on the Saw Doctors, have a beer, and dance the jig like a trained monkey.

mavarin said...

Hey, it's over, and that's a good thing!  Give yourself permission to be happy about that, because you deserve it!  As someone else said, the horrible stress you've had recently was undoubtedl more than the job itself, but the job was probably most of it.  Are you stuck in the new state, or is there a chance of moving back to where your heart is?  Is that what you want to do, or would you like to find a decent job where you are now?  Either way, you'll no longer be ground down by this job.  That should give enough of a respite and perspective to deal with other parts of your life.  Good luck! - Karen

keenedonna said...

Good for you its about time! Don't burn the shoes though, plant flowers in them in instead, turn them into a positive in stead of a negitive. By the way have you ever thought about photography as a line of work, you are really good at it you know.  

redhotka said...

I SAID SOUL THREE TIMES LOL I KNOW

redhotka said...

BRAVOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M ALL FOR QUITTING JOBS THAT RIP YOUR SOUL APART. THERE IS ALWAYS ANOTHER JOB FOR A WILLING SOUL. NOW CHILL AND BE YOU..DON'T LET ANYTHING SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU! LIVE BECAUSE YOU ARE FREE! YOUR SOUL IS!

fisherkristina said...

You know what?  You were not unsuccessful at all.  If you followed everything the book said to do and the job still didn't give back to you, the company didn't give back to you, you were in the wrong job.  You will soon come to see this as you find the job that brings you passion and gives back to you as you put your energy into it.  Good for you for quitting something that didn't deserve you!

Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink

yakima127 said...

I am so glad to hear you left before that job ripped all of the good out of you, or killed you!!!  Take a breather; and buy new shoes!  JAE

cw2smom said...

As horrible as it all sounds, consider it a growth experience and know that better things are in store for you!  You did the right thing!  Wishing you the best in this change!  Lisa

lightyears2venus said...

Your gumption is an inspiration.  Maybe this is the time to go Ireland before another company snaps you up (which will happen).  xoxo  debbi

jmorancoyle said...

    Been there, done that. I know exactly how you feel. Something will come along that you will be good at and that you will enjoy. This experience just might turn out to be a good thing when you look back at it later. Good luck.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/JMoranCoyle/MyWay

ccancu said...

It feels a little strange today, doesn't it . . . .  being Monday, and you're not rushing around and going off to the job that you hate?  I had felt that the last couple of jobs I'd had that they hired me, then they wished that they'd hired a young chippy.

I had this back thang back then and was given HORRIBLE chairs that "will be replaced as soon as possible" or "that's all we have".  I would struggle terribly doing the computer part of my job . ..  well, I didn't like the last three jobs that I had and if I had it to do over I would have worked in an environment other than tough competitive outside sales, worn better shoes (I would give yours to the Goodwill), and tried to go someplace where I KNEW someone.  If you have a mentor that is there cheering for you . . .   well, you don't ever feel like the whole company wants you to fail!  (Okay, so I had a bit of a self-esteem problem!)

Also, I've never known anyone who was happy in Indidana . . .   leave, NOW, before the kids are too far into the school year . . .  just ignore me.  I'm on medication . . .  that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.  Mary, I'm so very sorry.

txsguinan said...

Why are you being so hard on yourself?  Some things are just a bad fit, and some environments are toxic.  Life is too short to be this miserable, and your self confidence has no cause to suffer.  

Burn those ugly shoes and dance barefoot in the grass.  You were always too good for this job.  Breathe.  :)

st0rmwhispers said...

I sooooo feel like that...  Not a good time to quit my job though.

(((hugs)))

lisaram1955 said...

I will light the match for you... Better yet, my husband has this great propane "torch" he uses to burn weeds with.  Shoots a foot-long  flame and sounds like a jet engine.  That should burn those shoes up for ya!  ((((Mary))))  Lisa  :-]

emmapeeldallas said...

What an eloquent description of why you had to leave...and I can relate, because I've been there, done that, and sometimes leaving is the best, and only, solution...

Good luck (but I KNOW you're going to land on your feet, and feel a whole lot better...)

Judi