Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Gift

Favorite Picture of Me and Dad -

During the morning hours of Feb 4, I woke up around 2am and tossed and turned, tried to read then turned off the light only to turn it back on and try again. Finally at 430 I was able to fall back into sleep.

At 730 am my brother called to let me know that Dad had passed away during the night at home with Mom. Mom thinks it happened sometime between 2-230am. She realized his breathing, which had been labored all day, had become quiet. She made calls and my brother arrived around 3am. They did what you do when someone passes in the middle of the night, then he suggested they say the rosary and finally at 430am she was able to lay back down.

I have written many times about my Dad. As I look back at my very first entry in this journal it was about my Dad going into the hospital with CHF and subsequently had a stroke. It has been a long journey, bittersweet at times, and so full of love and the celebration of a life to arrive at this moment when I and everyone who loves him, has to let him go.

"I want to go home!" he told us at the hospital Saturday and by gosh, they let him go home.

Now he has truly gone home. I am happy that his pain and suffering is behind him. That I so firmly believe in an afterlife I know he is now residing in that place I think of as heaven, able to walk without a walker, able to sing Danny Boy at the top of his lungs, hear without hearing aides that really don't work all that well anyway, remembering all the grandchildren names, eating whatever he damn well pleases, driving any car he wants, eating a banana split and swimming in the Atlantic ocean, dancing the jig with my Aunt Pat and Nana, laughing about him being a street urchin running numbers in Hells Kitchen in the 20's and 30's with his brother, and in a safe place without hospital beds, IV's and pills everyday to get you through the day. His heart will beat with the strength of all those who loved him and will remember him.

47 comments:

fabshels said...

I am sorry for your loss. I know he is in a better place now. My prayers are with you and your family.

myrdog said...

amen!

rollinghillsides said...

So sorry, rest in peace Dad, you ARE definitely in a happier place.  

slapinions said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but you are right, I'm sure he's in a happier place now.

Dan

catslittertray said...

sorry for your loss,
my thoughts and prayers are sent for you and your familly
sue

helmswondermom said...

I am so sorry to hear about your dad.  I lost mine almost 6 years ago.  I love your picture there.  You were obviously very close, so I hope that the next few days aren't too terribly painful for you, and that you and your family can find the peace needed to deal with each day.  Please take care!
Lori

randlprysock said...

Many prayers for you for the loss of your dad and prayers for all of your loved ones and family!!!
Lisa

pharmolo said...

Lori [Helmswondermom] mentioned your loss today. Would like to express my condolences to you and your family, and wish you strength in the times to come.

Guido
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip/

kamdghwmw said...

Just two years ago I lost my father to cancer. I so know your pain. May God be with you and your family.
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

deshelestraci said...

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.  Lori sent me over.
Traci

ppavis said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Phyllis

sugarsweet056 said...

Please accept my condolences. I'll be keeping your family in my prayers.
Sugar

shrbrisc said...

I am sorry for your loss, and keep you and your family in my prayers .
hugs
Sherry

ksquester said...

Mary, I am thinking of you during this time.  You expressed your love for your Father from the first time I started reading you.  May your wonderful memories comfort you during this most difficult time.  I have no doubt that you Father will watch over you.  God Bless!  Lovingly, Anne

lv2trnscrb said...

I am sorry for your loss; praying people will love on you during this time of grief

betty

plieck30 said...

Came here by way of Lori's journal to offer my sympathy. Looks like you had a beautiful relationship with your Dad. Paula

astoriasand said...

I came over to pay my respect via Guido's Journal.May your Dear Father RIP and perpetual light shine upon him.Please accept my sincere condolances and prayers are being said for you and yours.Take Care God Bless Kath astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

kerryanne73 said...

Hi there i came by via pharmolos journal i just wanted to pay my respects for the loss of your dad ... in my thoughts kerryanne x from kerrys chaos

rdautumnsage said...

Beautiful Tribute to a wonderful man on his passing from this world into the beauty of another....Keeping you in my prayers on the smoke, along with the rest of your family during this time of sorrow...(Hugs) Indigo

ma24179 said...

I am so so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. -Missy

mutualaide said...

My sympathy to all of you.  May your father rest in peace (and laughter) with God.  

gdireneoe said...

I've come over from slapinions to send you hugs and prayers.  My thoughts are with you. ;)  C.

geocachelinda66 said...

God Bless you and your family in your time of sorrow.  I love that picture of you and your Dad, you look like such a happy baby and he looks so thrilled to have you!  Linda

nightmaremom said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.  Sending prayers and strength to you and your family.  ::gentle hugs::
d

kirkbyj05 said...

It sounds like your father had a wonderful varied life and that he spoke so well and often of it to his family.
May he rest in peace and may he enjoy in heaven all the faculties that he lost towards the end of his life.
God rest his soul.
I am sorry for your loss.
Jeanie
http://journals.aol.co.uk/kirkbyj05/DaytoDayLifeintheLakes

astaryth said...

Your Dad sounds like a really wonderful person. I am so sorry for your loss.

jonibooks1991 said...

What a beautiful tribute to you Dad.  Guido sent me over, I'd never read your journal before, but I'm glad I came.  You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.  Joni

jeannescorsone said...

What a beautiful tribute to you Dad.  Slapinions  sent me over, I'd never read your journal before, but I'm glad I came.  You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.  When I lossed my father, I never knew but he never was really gone....Now after he has been gone (over 30 years)  I can still see him, he never really was gone, he is in my heart...As your father is in yours...

Jeanne

twiilnight said...

Gorgeous picture of your father and you....that's one to keep and look back on. I'm sorry for your loss, I hope with each passing day it gets easier and easier. I still have both of my parents, but losing one of them is one of my greatest fears. Short of losing my children or spouse it's the most devastating thought. Thanks for supporting slapinions these last couple of years, he has nothing but kind things to say of you and yours. God bless, Mrs Slapinions

nelishianatl said...

I know you don't know me and I was sent by Lori, helmswondermom, but I'm saying many prayers for you and your family that you will be held and comforted during this time of grieving and loss.  I am truly so sorry and deeply saddened by your loss.  

NELISHIA

momiscool2 said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Love,
Michelle

lsfp1960 said...

I heard thru the journal land grapevine about the passing of your dear father.  Mine passed away in 1990 of stroke complications, it's always so hard to let them go.  But I remember seeing my dad laying in that bed, having all his personal needs tended to by nurses....that wasn't the dad I'll remember.  I'll remember the big strong man who worked full time on the railroad and also on our family farm.  I remember once when he was buidling our new house, seeing him go up his ladder with 2 bundles of hand split cedar shakes on his back.  I'm glad you also have healthy & happy memories of your dad.  Hang on to those and they will see you thru this sad time.  My sympathy to you, your mom, brother...your entire family.  Linda in Washington state

mumqbear said...

I too am so sorry for the loss of your father.
You and your family will be in my prayers.
Charlotte

lifes2odd said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hugs, Martha

pamal3 said...

Sending deepest condolences on the sad news of your dad passing away. I thought you wrote a beautiful paragraph at the end of your post, I too believe the exact same. I can also picture him watching over you aswell. Take care. Love Pam xx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pamal3/almost-40/

loisontheweb said...

  What an inspiring entry!  What a perfect picture ... We are all thinking of your family.  I hope your Mom, especially, can find the same peace of mind as  you have.
LOIS

am4039 said...

I'm so sorry about your father. My prayers to you and your family.

motoxmom72 said...

So sorry for your loss.  I came by way of Guido.  God Bless.
*Hugs*
Gina
http://journals.aol.com/motoxmom72/GinasWeigtLossJourney

chatalicious said...

Mary,
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your Dad. What a great picture. My Dad is 86 and in CHF as well. They live a few miles from me and he was here for SuperBowl Sunday. You know the days are numbered and you make the most of them. This is the first day I am online since last Sunday the 3rd. Work has overtaken my life. If you would be kind enough to email me your Dad's name I should like to send you a mass card. Peace be with you at this time and always.
Hugs, Nelle

ktkamanski said...

I wish there were words to comfort your pain. My thoughts and prayers will go up for you and your family.
Katie

chevyz71gurl74 said...

So very sorry for your loss....
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this most difficult time....May your dad Rest in Peace.

I see you use to live in Kentucky...I live in western kentucky

Big Hugs!
 Terri

trishaham said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

God Bless,
Tia

sunflowerkat321 said...

What a wonderful photo this is.  I'm so sorry I haven't been by sooner Mary.  I didn't know that you'd lost your dad.

I know you've shared heartwarming stories about him here.  I was close to my dad and I understand the pain of watching them deteriorate.  I love your thoughts about where he is now and how he is the dad you will always remember.

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.  My thoughts are with you and your family.

jmorancoyle said...

    My deepest sympathies. You are right. Your father is with God now.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

suzypwr said...

I am sorry it took me this long to get to your entry. I know you were very close to your dad and had great times with him. I hope you always remember the fun you had with him!

xoxo

mtrib2 said...

I see what an energetic person your father was holding his baby.   He was certainly living his life to it's fullest.   I just hope your mourning of the passing of your father is not too overwhelming.   I know what a tramatic event it is from when my father died in 2004.    I can only say that may the Lord comfort you and your family.    mark

maryloumilano said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  I haven't been in for a while and was not aware that your Dad had passed on.  I believe, as you do, that he is now pain free and enjoying all the things special to him.  Still, I know how painful it is for those left behind.  Even though my Dad passed in 2001 missing him never stops.  God bless~