I am not very good at taking advice since I am a notorious know it all. I am not one to give advice either. Except to Joe and Bridget, and they call it nagging. Go figure.
What I will tell you all about is the best advice I did receive from my Mom some years ago.
So that you guys do not think I am a monster, I'm going to give you some background. I went to private Catholic schools until college. So I did not know F. very well. We are both from the same county in central Kentucky and when we found out we were going to school at Murray State University together we decided to be room mates.
I was so proud to have F. as a friend. She was ultra popular at home and at MSU. She was immediately elected a class representative, became a member of the most popular sorority, had a hunky boyfriend in a cool fraternity. On top of that, she was gorgeous, very smart, and kind. I love F. Having her as my room mate and eventually my best friend made me feel great about myself.
Times change. Things change. F. married the wrong guy. He took her out of Kentucky and moved her to Detriot. He resumed his education and ultimately became a psychiatrist. They had two children, a beautiful home in Southfield, and a perfect life from the outside looking in.
What was really happening was that he was driving F. crazy, I mean really driving her to drink. And that she did. After the marriage crumbled, it was found out he had a girlfriend, whom he married days after the ink was dry on their divorce.
Then he became determined to have the house. It was hers as long as she had custody of the children. They waged a custody battle for several years. She drank more and more, and began to slip into what I can only determine to be a psychosis.He won. The children went to him, then he went after the house. And in time, he got that. He put her on the street.
She showed up at "home" with a U-haul full of her furniture. Her brother drove her to my apartment. And left her.Her family was at their wits end with her drinking and bouts of insanity. She could not hold a job, she drank morning and night.
My Mom gave me the best advice I have ever received. She told me to tell F. that she had six months to stay with me and get herself on herfeet.
When one is over the edge as F. was, well only a professional could help her. She refused to go to AA, "Only a bunch of alcoholics go to that! I am not an alcoholic. I drink to self medicate myself, there is a difference."
Bridget use to find the vodka bottles in her bedroom and pour them down the drain.Bridget was 11 at this time. I began to count the days until the six months were over. I would drive home from work and see her car in the driveway and my stomach would turn.
I love F. as if she were my sister. She is the only person I would have or could had ever shared life with in a small tiny college dorm room. My friend no longer exists.
When it was six months, she left. Every so often she shows up on my door step. She no longer requires a U-haul. A suitcase will do.
Friday, April 30, 2004
Posted by alphawoman at 8:43 AM