ADDICTED TO LOVE (part XV)My car was on the blink so I took a bus downtown to the Planned Parenthood building. I knew I was pregnant, actually I feared I was pregnant. I was uninsured and marrying Mike was quite out of the question.... under the circumstances, I probably would have but he was not the marrying kind.
It was positive. It was official. I was stunned. I had feared the worst and now it was confirmed. I climbed on the bus in a fog and slid into a seat. I did not know what to think. Then the cloud lifted and I was suddenly so thrilled, so happy, so exhilarated and so full of joy! I turned to the elderly lady sitting beside me and blurted, "I just found out I am going to have a baby!"...."Well, imagine that! That's wonderful!" she replied.
Mike did not have the same reaction. He was adamant that I have an abortion. He listed his reasons. Some valid, some selfish, some mean.
I scheduled one. And then waited for the day to arrive in a funk.
The night before it was to take place, I was watching mindless TV. Little House on the prairie. The older sister had married and somehow lost her eyesight. Her cabin caught on fire. Because of her blindness she could not find her baby. She was dragged out of the burning structure and was screaming, "MY BABY MY BABY MY BABY"........I was so torn up that even today I am crying writing this.
God talks to us in whispers and sometimes he shows up on prime time. I canceled the appointment and found the courage to tell my parents thinking it would kill them.
I told Dad first while Mom was not at home. He took it in stride. When Mom came home he told her, "Mary's going to have a baby." and mom looked at me and said, "I knew it was a matter of time." and that was that!
No death, no crying, no accusations, no guilt. Just loving acceptance.
I thought that would have been my toughest decision. But I was wrong. I went to Houston to live with an Aunt and Uncle for the duration of the pregnancy. God sent Fr. Steffes to guide me along this journey. Fr. Steffes was a priest from my grammar school in KY., the favorite priest for not only me, but everyone. He was dynamic. Just what he was doing 1200 miles away from home in Houston for me? It was just a miracle. He helped me decide whether to give Bridget up for Adoption or the Alternative, which was to straighten out my life and accept the responsibilities of single parenthood.
That was the hardest decision. I know I made the selfish choice. I have never loved anyone as fiercely, unconditionally and with such careless abandon as I love my daughter Bridget.
Even though I thought she was going to kill me when I was giving birth.