Thursday, February 10, 2005

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

ADDICTED TO LOVE    (part XV)

My car was on the blink so I took a bus downtown to the Planned Parenthood building. I knew I was pregnant, actually I feared I was pregnant. I was uninsured and marrying Mike was quite out of the question.... under the circumstances, I probably would have but he was not the marrying kind.

It was positive. It was official. I was stunned. I had feared the worst and now it was confirmed. I climbed on the bus in a fog and slid into a seat. I did not know what to think. Then the cloud lifted and I was suddenly so thrilled, so happy, so exhilarated and so full of joy! I turned to the elderly lady sitting beside me and blurted, "I just found out I am going to have a baby!"...."Well, imagine that! That's wonderful!" she replied.

Mike did not have the same reaction. He was adamant that I have an abortion. He listed his reasons. Some valid, some selfish, some mean.

I scheduled one. And then waited for the day to arrive in a funk.

The night before it was to take place, I was watching mindless TV. Little House on the prairie. The older sister had married and somehow lost her eyesight.  Her cabin caught on fire. Because of her blindness she could not find her baby. She was dragged out of the burning structure and was screaming, "MY BABY MY BABY MY BABY"........I was so torn up that even today I am crying writing this.

God talks to us in whispers and sometimes he shows up on prime time. I canceled the appointment and found the courage to tell my parents thinking it would kill them.

I told Dad first while Mom was not at home. He took it in stride. When Mom came home he told her, "Mary's going to have a baby." and mom looked at me and said, "I knew it was a matter of time." and that was that!

No death, no crying, no accusations, no guilt. Just loving acceptance.

I thought that would have been my toughest decision. But I was wrong. I went to Houston to live with an Aunt and Uncle for the duration of the pregnancy. God sent Fr. Steffes to guide me along this journey. Fr. Steffes was a priest from my grammar school in KY., the favorite priest for not only me, but everyone. He was dynamic. Just what he was doing 1200 miles  away from home in Houston for me? It was just a miracle. He helped me decide whether to give Bridget up for Adoption or the Alternative, which was to straighten out my life and accept the responsibilities of  single parenthood.

That was the hardest decision. I know I made the selfish choice. I have never loved anyone as fiercely,  unconditionally and with such careless abandon as I love my daughter Bridget.

Even though I thought she was going to kill me when I was giving birth.

27 comments:

oceanmrc said...

Oh, that picture is so sweet.  

Yay for your parents.  I was talking to my dd about pregnancy a few months ago and how she should talk to us if that happened, etc., and she was rolling her eyes, yeah, right, like you wouldn't totally freak out.  I think I finally convinced her though -- she was, like a 17yo, surprised to hear that her mom and friends had already hashed this topic out at length many times.  I am always mystified by how dense and innocent they think we are.

nellemclaughlin said...

I'm crying as I read this. I was newly married to my first husband and only 19 when I learned I was pregnant. He threw a fit and made it clear he was against being a parent. Ironically, he was 37 and had  no children with a mother who was pressuring him constantly for one. I told him I was having the baby, if necessary on my own. BEST decision I ever made. I was never able to get pregnant again after cancer treatment. God does work in mysterious ways but somehow he always seems to find me. :)
Nelle

dcmeyer420 said...

Oh, Mary!  You stir so much emotions in me. Right now, I am heading towards the kitchen to get a roll of paper to dry my tears. You are a very wise and passionate woman. You're the original "survivor."  And I admire the way you take responsibility for the consequences of your actions. No long tirade about how the other party was to blame. Just straightforward, "These were the choices I made at the time" declaration. Mary, you are a very beautiful person!  

njlittlebear said...

Nice entry.

NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife/

suzypwr said...

You look so happy with your pretty baby!
xoxo

sistercdr said...

Mary, you are an incredible woman.

mlraminiak said...

Our parents were often much different people than we gave them credit for.  Imagine if Bridget came to you saying she was pregnant.  What would you do?  It's easier now, I think, or you to understand that a parent's love and support does not evaporate when a child is in crisis.

And I love the story of your "miracles."  The Creator does hit us over the head with a baseball bat from time to time, when the "still small voice" is ignored...and when we finally hear, we open the floodgates for blessings.    Lisa  :-]  

my78novata said...

I had that same thought I almost got an abortion with Tracy and yet I stayed thru it and cancelled that idea and ended up telling my parnets at 5 months and Its the best thing I ever did.

judithheartsong said...

Beautiful entry. judi

ksquester said...

Great decision Mary!   Anne

readmereadyou said...

I'm so happy you had a great support system. The picture is a beautiful! Who knows how many others this entry will help.
Angela

chasenkids said...

I actually have tears in my eyes from reading this. I've been sunked into your stories.. to the point where I'm actually EXCITED to read your next entry. But this entry... was purely beautiful...

I love the picture! You can see the love in your smile.

~Jaime

mrccgoody said...

I love the times when my parents surprised me, in a good way...

sieblonde said...

A tough story to share...but so glad you did.. thank you.  ~Sie

robbush6 said...

Following your gut is never the wrong choice. Isn't it funny how after so many years, we remember every detail? The bus ride, the Little House episode, waiting for your mother to return home? You are positively radiant, Mary. And Bridget is a lucky girl.

lotzamoe said...

So that's what we're supposed to do with babies! I thought I was supposed to hang mine over the balcony of a posh hotel in Berlin for the crowd to see or stuff the little bugger into the jaws of a waiting aligator on live TV.

somenuttychic said...

WOW -- this is quite a tale! I'll have to go back and start this one from the beginning.

yakima127 said...

I am so glad you did not have an abortion...it would have haunted you forever...JAE

belfastcowboy75 said...

Look at the joy in that face.

sunnyside46 said...

your story is like talking to an old friend late at night over a glass, no, a bottle , of wine. I love it!
Marti
http://journals.aol.com/sunnyside46/MidlifeMusings

hope5555 said...

Great entry, and very moving.  I especially love the line, "God talks to us in whispers and sometimes he shows up on prime time." Excellent, just excellent.

slowmotionlife said...

What an amazing story.  You always tell the best stories.  I was unmarried when I got pregnant with Elijah, so I remember that overwhelming fear at having to tell my parents.  I was lucky in the fact that Hel was a lot different than your daughter's father.  I sometimes wonder what it might have been like to do it all on my own, without any support.  I'm just in awe of you.  ::smile::

garyvp said...

Great pic, Mom, and another great entry in a wonderful series of entries.

http://journals.aol.com/garyvp/GVPsWay/
GVP

theresarrt7 said...

I remember that episode of Little House.  Seeing that, along with what your were going through, had to have been extremely emotional.  I can understand why you would feel overwhelmed by the power of the emotion, even today.  I love the picture.  You look so bright and happy and unknowing and scared and okay and not okay and okay again.

redhdka said...

omg you are just sooooooooooo purty

ryanagi said...

I remember that episode of Little House too. It ripped my heart out! Man, I loved that show.

deabler3 said...

Great Pic, & a beautiful story!
V