Monday, February 14, 2005

LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

                                         

 

 

ADDICTED TO LOVE   (part XVI)

I  was so homesick living in Texas. Even though I met some very nice people, had an interesting job in the hotel business, had been to Gilley's several times (had the obligatory bumper sticker to prove it), met a handsome Latino named Stephan,  I still longed for home. Why is it that Kentuckians and Texans always call their place of birth "home"?

And so I went home. I landed in Louisville because of a job opportunity. I was able to stay with my brother and his wife for several months till I was able to get my feet underneath myself. A dear friend I had met at Murray, Cathy,  lived in Louisville and graciously offered to share an apartment with me and my one year old daughter. We found a place in the Highland Area of town, right off Bardstown Rd. in one of the classic old 1920 homes that are subdivided into apartments. We had the whole second story. A balcony on the front of the house and a wooden porch on the back. Five cavernous rooms with a tiny kitchen and a small room for a nursery off my bedroom. All hardwood floors and build in bookcase. One is hard pressed to find anything other than hardwood floors in the Highlands. All in all, we lived in three different yet similar apartments around Bardstown Road in the years we roomed together.

Bridget was growing and was a handful at times. I was working full time, taking evening classes at the University of Louisville and trying to be a good mother to Bridget.

The trouble began innocently enough. Cathy, unquestionably is an attractive woman, very smart. She is witty, articulate, sarcastic,  funny, entertaining,  caustic and  great fun to be around. Men are drawn to her. Yet, Cathy has a dark side. I can see her now, bored, chewing her finger nails and holding court with her many men.

They came in droves.

When she was finished with them, they would turn their sights on me. Not everyone of them, but enough where Cathy became annoyed. Then there was Dennis. This one I was totally drawn to.  Cathy literally threw her arms in the air and gave up! Dennis was not a potential boyfriend for Cathy, but an old pal who had been playing drums on the road for  many years. He had just quit and returned home for good. He was a musician with beautiful long curly brown hair. A German Catholic from a big family!  How could it get any better!

Well, he found Jesus and cut all his hair off!  Is this the effect I now have on men?  I was stunned and the romance  began to fall apart. Then Cathy and I fell apart. She was able to purchase a home and was moving. I was about to be put out on the street. To tell the truth, I had some very hard feelings about it and left angry. 

Again, someone slipped out of my life who had been a huge part of it for OVER 14 YEARS!  She was there all during our freshman year in Murray, dancing up a storm Down South right along side me. She was witness to all the John years and there to help me put my life back together afterwards. As she was there after Mike and helped me so much with Bridget. She was there for me always and then she vanished.

Recently I have tried to find her. I want to find her especially now that I am immersed in this history, because in so many ways it's her history too.

In December Bridget and I went to the building where she worked . That office was no longer there, but we were given directions to the new location. Once we arrived, Bridget took the lead telling the security guard all about Cathy and how we were looking for her.....but to no avail. No one we questioned that day had any knowledge or memory of Cathy.

Her parents no longer live in the South End of Louisville. Her ex-fiance has had no contact with her for over a decade.

I am so ashamed looking back that I wanted a boyfriend so badly that I disregarded and underestimated the best and closest friend I ever had. You cannot replace people.  As I will never replace Cathy in this lifetime.

17 comments:

my78novata said...

We all do dumb htings in our lives and I know you regret it. Maybe you will use this better your self for freinds now. But remember you cant always hold your self responsible. It maybe now she understrands too that you both were young. YOUTH OH man the stupidty. I sure hope you find your old friend YOu surely will have to tell us of the reunion. Lori

readmereadyou said...

It's hard to look back for whatever reason at the people we left behind. I truly think some people stay for as long as they are needed for our personal growth and then others come to take us further. Sometimes, those others do so positively and other times, negatively but we still grow. You don't know how you helped her grow and I'm sure you did. You just remember your end of it. She remembers you fondly. I'm sure.
Angela

yakima127 said...

bummer... JAE

ksquester said...

Continue please, I am fasinated by this story.  Anne

suzypwr said...

Keep going!

I know you can find Cathy in this internet age. Just work with the schools, classmate.com, etc. For a small fee she can be located for sure, if no other way.

xoxo

nellemclaughlin said...

I know people who have found their biological parents through the internet. Oprah does shows about finding people. If you write to her show, they sometimes pay a private detective to find someone if you cannot. I had a friend who I lost touch with. At the time she was doing drugs. Many years later when she cleaned up her act she found me. It was never the same though. Good luck with your search. Nelle

dcmeyer420 said...

I hope you find Cathy. You both matured and I am sure that she will not hold the past against you.  Bridget looks gorgeous in that picture! And so are you.

mlraminiak said...

Isn't it hard to classify people you have loved as a part of your PAST, rather than a part of your life?  Things just go that way sometimes.  It seems like when we get to be this age, we start to think in terms of regret...  Lisa  :-]

hope5555 said...

Keep looking. I'll bet she will find you.  And I'll bet the two of you will pick up your friendship where it left off, pre-Dennis.

jeanno43 said...

I have a feeling that you may find her yet!  Great picture. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

gypsytrader49 said...

Odd isn't it? Losing certain old friends puts a hole in your life, like a missing piece of the puzzle. Is that in itself "the lesson"...learning to live despite loss? Are some losses best left that way? Learning to live with the mystery. The mystery of life.

sunnyside46 said...

thank you for inspiring me to look up an old friend!
Marti

njlittlebear said...

Keep Looking you'll find her !

NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife

redhdka said...

I'm so unforgiving...I wouldn't wanna find her if it were me. LOL

spurgins311 said...

Thanks for sharing your story. Hope you find your friend. I had a best friend like that (we weren't friends that many years though.) We lost contact and finally I found her, but it wasn't the same. So many things had changed, her, me our life-everything was "differnet." We just couldn't be at the same place as where we left off. We had a falling out of sorts because she got angry at something I had nothing to do with and I haven't seen her in 8 years. But, maybe things will be great with you and your friend, when you find her.

Good Luck
Sharon

ryanagi said...

I was going to suggest classmates.com too. I found a few people I'd lost touch with that way. There are still a couple I am looking for.

deabler3 said...

Aww, hard to go back!
V