Saturday, February 19, 2005

MUST I ALWAYS BE ALONE

 

 

ADDICTED TO LOVE       (part XIX)

I attended my 20th High School reunion during the summer months. I discovered one amazing thing. All the women looked great, perhaps better, still appearing youthful. I recognized every one. But the guys! Holy mackerel! Guess that is one of natures little jokes. The women age at a slower pace. This could be our excessive use of anti aging products. It seems the guys just don't care. But as we near our golden years, the guys look better. (Shelley Winters....Sean Connery....?)

I knew C.K. during those four years of hell known as high school. He was definitely one of the cool kid crowd. To be a gold member of that group, you came from Christ the King Grammar School. And he did. He was a college professor in a state far, far away. Taught economics of all things! He was recovering from a break up of a long term relationship and very vulnerable.It was not that I felt sorry for him, it was that I was so lonely! He is a terrific guy, funny, smart, stable, attentive and best of all his family owned a flower business in Lexington. I was awash in roses and beautiful exotic flowers for months.

All my platonic relationships come to the same conclusion. Give it up, or bust up. The good thing about most my romances of this sort, is that the guy usually is married within six months! C.K. found a stunningly beautiful woman from Brazil teaching Spanish at the college! I attended the wedding. I should have been the maid of honor.

Loneliness is an subtle destroyer. It creeps up on you slowly and with little warning you are yearning for something that seems so unattainable and become depressed. I went to the movies with Bridget, and a couple with two children were sitting several rows ahead of us. They settled down in their seats and he causally put his arm around her.

My heart was in my throat and I was fighting back the tears. Will I ever be touched by someone I love? How long must I wait for a kiss that blows my mind? Will I ever have someone throw their arm around me and touch their head to mine? Is it my fate to never have passion in my life...to share my life again?

I remember seeing a commercial on tv about a business called Match Makers. I made an appointment and signed up! She was so enthused to have me as a client! "They will eat you alive!" she told me.

This is how it went. Every month you were sent in the mail approximately 10 "matches" which included their name and address, phone number. That was it! No rhyme or reason to it. I think she just tossed the names up in the air and where ever they fell that was it...you were matched up.

I was contacted by a guy named Butch. I met him at a restaurant in Lexington. "Meet for lunch" she had advised me, "That way it is less awkward to get away."

Butch...what can I say about my first experience! He was drop dead gorgeous. I was thinking he was worth every penny of the exorbitant amount that car salesmen turned Match Maker coerced out of me.

He was fresh off a break up, on the rebound and very distracted. There was to be no second date. At least I got a nice lunch out of the deal. The only thing we had in common was that we both picked off the red onion rings from our salads and placed them on the side of the plate.

It was a good and bad start. I told myself to stop being so superficial and shallow. He was a jerk. Albeit a handsome jerk, but a jerk all the same. A drop dead gorgeous jerk, but a jerk.

I'd wait for the next batch of mail.

13 comments:

my78novata said...

ah My 25th should be this summer. I havent heard yet. I would have thought I would have by now!!!!! Last one I actually attned was the 20th at hte park hting but not the night before thing. The one before was the10th Hubbys ex was there and she was trying to act like she knew the upper scale crowd. WE knew her in school she never hung with them and they all acted like WHO THE HEck is she though trying to be nice.THen every table we went to she went right after us and tried to grill them on us. It was miserable. She was such a fake and phoney. So kind of takes the enjoyment out of it. Lori

mlraminiak said...

I never went to any of my high school reunions.  I really didn't have that many friends, and wasn't interested in what the ex-cheerleaders and football players were doing.  

Your love life is about as different from mine as humanly possible.  I never dated in high school, had about two years of "playing the field" after graduation, then met the hubs when I was twenty.  And have been in this long-term committed relationship for almost thirty years.  Hard for me to relate to your partnerlessness...but as a woman, I still can understand some of your heartbreak.

By the way...they don't ALL age badly.  Mr. Hubs is still a hunk...  Lisa  :-]

yakima127 said...

At least you were not so lonely you were blind to his being a jerk!  JAE

redhdka said...

That movie theather experience you had? I suffer with that every day of my life. LOL waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whine waaaaaaaaaaaaaa. This is very interesting. I can't believe though as pretty as you are that you were even alone for ten seconds.

dcmeyer420 said...

I never attended any of my highschool reunions. I figured that most of those I'd like to see, I had been in contact with and they were also not enthused about being in same room with what they call the "minions from hell."

hope5555 said...

I love blind date stories, and can't WAIT to read about the next batch of mail....oh, and why do the goodlooking ones have to be such jerks sometimes? lol

njlittlebear said...

Yea father time really knows how to screw us men !  I look like hell !!

NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife

mrccgoody said...

I always went from one relationship straight to another, but sometimes, even when you're in a relationship you still feel alone...

I can't wait to hear what happens next.

ryanagi said...

Match Makers, eh? Tsk. Dating Services are always good story fodder. ;-)

sonensmilinmon said...

I get to live vicariously through you and all your dates and adventures with men.  I had very few in my life and none were half as exciting as the stories you've shared. :-)  I'm looking forward to more tales.

Monica
http://journals.aol.com/sonensmilinmon/SmilinMonsAdventures/

suzypwr said...

I love these stories! More! More!
xoxo

readmereadyou said...

You should make a book out of these. I think everyone would love it. You write so well and we can ALL identify with something you've said.
Angela

garyvp said...

I did one of these years ago...for about 3 months. I gave it up and went back to pub crawling. You never know where a wounded pigeon will land.

GVP