Tuesday, February 8, 2005

RING MY BELL

                                                              

ADDICTED TO LOVE  (part XIV)

I returned home.

I was inconsolable, withdrawn, and cried all the time.....in the shower, brushing my teeth , driving the car, peeling an apple. I could not sleep, the pain was so over powering it denied me escape into dream land. No one ever suffered as severely as I. It transcended the heart, and made my whole being ache.

It could not continue forever. It would have killed me. I could very easily have died of a broken heart. Eventually I came out of it....a little. Enough to continue with life, even though I felt the excitement, the pleasure and sweetness of living was gone forever.

One of my childhood friends had moved home also. She and her husband were divorcing (it was a shot gun wedding) and returning with a one year old child. We rented an apartment in Lexington and tried to figure out how to support ourselves.

And we decided to become cocktail waitresses! (That is another entire "series" in itself) and life began to regain some of the luster and shine that it had lost for many months.

Then we began to go to the Disco Bars. Greenstreets, the Library and Stingle's were our main spots to shake our groove things. But the most fun, the biggest disco palace with its pink marble and brass bar, the mirrored wall, the minimal seating (all dancing) and the rolling fog....was Johnny Angels! Also the after hour club, The Circus! Desperate dancing, rolling smoke from the cigarettes, and BYOB. We danced and danced and danced. Prehaps I danced my heart back to health..

Though my heart was on the mend, I had not yet reached the understanding that I needed to forgive myself. No, the good Catholic girl had not been granted the redemption she sought, so the punishment must continue.

Bring me a man who was nice, clean cut, responsible, gainfully employed, fairly level headed and I scoffed!  Not bad enough for me. I needed danger! I needed risky, hot, formidable, deadly.

And I found him.

Out of all the wonderful, delightful men that I could have had a normal future and life  with...I chose the most aggravating  and impossible of them all.  And as life seems to have a twisted sense of humor, I still see and talk to him often.

Bridget's Dad

16 comments:

nellemclaughlin said...

OH can I relate to this entry! Especially in the selection of your child's father. So glad to be where I am in the here and now :)
Nelle

mlraminiak said...

THAT's why your stories are so marvelous...because of your taste for the deadly!  Like playing with cobras.  MY love life would bore the world to tears!  LOL!  Lisa  :-]

my78novata said...

WOw love the disco pic. sucha time warp. you know there is no pain like one you have. when you have it at the moment you have it and that is whats so unbelievable is that you have it at all!!!!!!!and you survivie. oh that pain is so big and all encompassing. lori

ksquester said...

MORE, MORE! I surely did flirt with danger in my youth. Fortunatly, it turned its back on me.  I'll tell you it was with a boy who went to Lexington Catholic and my parents hated him.....which made me love him more. Oh how those horse barns are calling me.   Anne

dcmeyer420 said...

Bad boys were exciting! They threw curves and made you break all the rules. For a Catholic girl that was the ultimate rebellion! After a few years of Catholic school, you get tired of the cookie cutter good boy and long for the wild-born-in-a-barn type!  Yes, I understand your choice completely. http://journals.aol.com/dcmeyer420/DearDiary/      

readmereadyou said...

I did the same thing. I picked the macho, sexy........pain in the @ss.

suzypwr said...

I hope this has many more chapters!
xoxo

jryle79 said...

Is that John Travolta on the far right?

- John
http://journals.aol.com/jryle79/Kentucky

redhdka said...

Write a book. I will buy it. Ahhhh and so the story unfurls <is that a word? LOL

sunnyside46 said...

i love your journal! the pictures really bring back memories of that time for me. I am going to put you on my favorites list. i can't wait to see what happens next!
marti

camaroisle050856 said...

   You are never ever boring!  But that is the Pisces nature to swim in two directions, isn't it?

Best wishes,
Debi

sonensmilinmon said...

What a life you've had so far!

Monica
http://journals.aol.com/sonensmilinmon/SmilinMonsAdventures/

belfastcowboy75 said...

Ladies Love Outlaws (Lee Clayton)

Bessie was a lovely child from west Tennessee
Leroy was an outlaw wild as a mink
One day she saw him starin' and it chilled her to the bone
And she knew she had to see that look on a child of her own.

'Cause ladies love outlaws like babies love stray dogs
Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold
And outlaws touch the ladies
Somewhere deep down in their soul.

Linda was a lady blonde and built to last
Benny was a no good guitar picker runnin' from his past
She heard all of his songs tellin' nothin' but bad news
But she made her mind up to try to get him win or lose.

Ladies love outlaws like babies love stray dogs
Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold
And outlaws touch the ladies
Somewhere deep down in their soul.

Jessi like the Cadillacs and diamonds on her hands
Waymore had a reputation as a ladie's man
Late one night a light of love finally gave a sign
Jessi parked her Cadillac and took her place in line.

'Cause ladies love outlaws like babies love stray dogs
Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold
And outlaws touch the ladies
Somewhere deep down in their soul.

Ladies love outlaws like babies love stray dogs
Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold
And outlaws touch the ladies
Somewhere deep down in their soul...

njlittlebear said...

"Out of all the wonderful, delightful men that I could have had a normal future and life  with...I chose the most aggravating  and impossible of them all"   Thats a funny statement....LOL

NJLB

slowmotionlife said...

Great... now I have that song stuck in my head.  "Ring my Belllllllllll... Ring my Bell!!"  LOL  I'm a little irritated with myself for getting behind in your journal because now I'm reading this story backwards.  It's like opening a book and reading the last page first.  It's just not right.  :P

deabler3 said...

Uh oh! Bridget`s Dad!!!
V