Sunday, November 30, 2003

Why can't I be normal?

I think I might have to break down and go visit the Doctor tomorrow.  I think I am having an allergic reaction to the pound bag of peanuts covered with cinnamon and sugar I devoured LAST WEEK! 

Whenever I go to the office, I know they take out my file and begin laughing.  I can't go when I have something normal, like the flu...oh no, I'm there because I can't stand it any longer and sneak out of the house in my agony.

This past summer it was posion ivy.  I was covered with it.  Looked like I  put it in the bathtub, filled with water, then took a masochistic soak.  I even  had it in my ears!  "This is the worst case I have ever seen, and I have seen some doozies." He told me.

Last spring, I swear I was bit at the bottom of my spine by a spider!  I could not sit, I could not drive, I could only cry.  When I was able to contort myself into a position like a yoga instructor, I was able to stand with my back to the mirror and twist enough to see the area...I almost fainted!  I won't describe the horror I saw.  The doctor took one look and said, "Shingles"....sometimes I wonder about his schooling...it was a spider bite!

Now, my lips are the size of Massachuset.  Joe thought I was taking collagen treatments behind his back.  He's taken to calling me, "Melanie" in reference to big lipped Melanie Griffith.  I have iced these babies, taken antihistamine capsules but for the third day in a row I have woken up to a swollen abomination.

Why can't I just have the flu?

5 comments:

yakima127 said...

Sorry for your agony, but this entry is funny! Have you ever HAD the flu?

freeepeace said...

If you just had the flu you'd be like everyone else! Why be 'normal'? Funny entry. But, yeah, get yourself to your quack...errr...I mean, doctor! I imagine his response would be, "Collagen! How can I help you today?" hehehe

hapy203 said...

oohh..you poor thing! Suddenly the flu dosnt seem so bad..Hope you feel better soon!

lotzamoe said...

The flu killed millions. Fat lips are just funny (unless they're yours)

sonensmilinmon said...

I don't know ... after suffering the past 24 hours with the flu ... I think I'd take your Melanie lips!!! Hope your better SOON.
Smilin Mon